Tuesday, June 28, 2011

if i had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?

My sister literally asked for this. 

There becomes a moment in life when your older sister goes from being your worst enemy to your best friend. It's a small moment that seriously changes your world. It's the moment when all of the sudden you both realize that you both steal each others clothes, and that fighting about it isn't going to do anything. It's the moment when you realize that a line across a room doesn't mean you aren't sharing, it just means that you are probably going to be fighting even more. So it's that moment when you take down that line, visible and not visible. For me, it was that moment that my sister literally tackled me to the ground because I wasn't sharing enough information about my "love" life with her. I think she felt betrayed because she would tell me everything and more. I think that moment made me realize how much she cares about me. (Even though she was beating me up)

I still remember the day when she sat me in the bathroom and told me that she just had to take out my 2 not-so-loose front teeth.
I remember the day she got me ready for Prom.  (Um.. did you see how gorgeous I looked? well you can thank her... hahaha just kidding , i am not that cocky. But she did help me) I remember searching and searching for that "perfect" hairstyle. Yet as I felt so uncomfortable about the idea of wearing my somewhat poofy dress, and being all dressed up just for a date, she helped me to find that perfect look so instead of feeling ridiculous, I felt incredible. 

I remember all of the times she has bought me jewelry. Most of which has been with owls on it that she has tried to convince me to wear to a dance. She bought me Harvey when she was mad at her ex-boyfriend. She bought me Harvey earrings when instead of her going to the Valentine's Dance, I was the snob of a little sister who got asked twice. She bought me my earrings for homecoming. She attempted another pair for Valentines. She also bought me my favorite ring. Funny thing is, I wonder the day she will notice that I never wear jewelry. But, I will always let her buy me it. 

One of my final memories of her before I left was the Sunday before I left to Maryland. Lydia texted me about Les Mis and I really wanted to go. I know my mom wouldn't let me go if I had to ask her for money, she just spent hundreds on me the days before getting me ready to go. So, Jensen gave me the $40 to go. She is just a college student. She works (I swear) more than full time,  she goes to hair school and she goes to college. Money is flowing from her butt. But she gave it to me. I, of course, told her I would pay it back. She knew it wouldn't be anytime soon. But she didn't care. 

That's the thing about my sister. Sure, I wouldn't go to her if I needed advice and I expected a scripture reference for an answer. But she has taught me better than anyone else about service.Think, all of those things in her own way are services she has done for me.  She is always the first one to help and the last one to leave. She isn't about herself. I think of the fact that on Mothers Day, she bought the stuff, she cleaned the house, while I sat in my room and moped because I couldn't move. (I ran a half marathon the day before.) Father's Day, I ask her what she did for my dad. She bought him a $60 gift card-- $10 from each kid. She didn't need to do that. She has spent more of her life doing my laundry then I have. She comes home, and she straightens up our always messy kitchen. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my sister's best quality is the service she gives for others.

So sure, she asked for it. But I think these are words I forget to say. I truly love her.  Even when she is stupid, even when she does things that I think are ridiculous, even when she makes mistakes, I love her. I'm stuck with her for eternity. I might as well make it worth something.

I love you Jensen Nicholle Astle.

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