sing for the years.

Fearing unknown and the mysteries of life, God asks us to step into the fog, and go forward with faith. It's sad to say goodbye to many loved ones, so uncertain what the future will hold. But God has a plan for me and I'm headed into this dark and scary world to preach His gospel and defend his faith. 

After my mission, I don't plan to keep up this blog. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. This blog has so many memories of so many petty experiences in my life-- memories that will mean little as I begin my new adventures. This blog also shared some of my deepest feelings and emotions throughout my high school experiences and into my first year of college. The song lyrics, the pictures, the drama-- it all meant something to me then, and I'm glad I can remember it through my blog. 

So thanks to the 4 people who read it throughout the years and sharing your petty deep thoughts throughout the years with me and the world wide web. Maybe one day I'll create a blog as hilarious as Meg Morley Walter's or as inspiring as Nie Nie's. Until then, catch ya on the flip side. 

Thanks for the memories. 

Mayson Claire Astle

(If you want on my email list for my mission, comment/message me on Facebook. Feel free to email me at mayson.astle@mylds.net)

a long road to wisdom

Reminiscing about the times when a football game or a homework assignment or a Saturday night meant everything to me. Looking back at all those people who taught me lessons and laughed with me. Most of us have parted now to spread good news across the world. Cleveland is 96 days away. Pretty soon, all of now will be but a memory.

Growing up is sort of unreal. 

anything but typical

There wasn't anything paricular about them.

But together they decided that this was happiness. 

keep that breathless charm

“I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.” 

gonna party like its 2012

2012.

Completed the Yearbook

Went to senior ball with my life long friend, Mike Witham

Graduated High School

Survived working at Vivint with Tyler Hill

Went to Aspen Grove. Twice. With the Huish Fam and my Martinis Fam 

Moved out and started UVU

Was a Big Cat for a day
Went to Vegas to support Mitt Romney

Watched all 5 seasons of Merlin

Spent most of my time with baby Eloise
Survived the end of the Mayan Calendar 

Made some pretty bomb awesome friends

Kept some pretty bomb awesome friendships

It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst. I had quite a bit of life changes this year and I'm growing to love each and every one of them as they have come. I'm quickly learning that life is a big adventure. So here's to you 2012, thanks for the memories, the people I have shared it with and for helping me grow to the person I have become. 

she fell in love in the first place

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

After all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "

i miss your face like hell

Sometimes you miss the person that is five miles away. Calling them wouldn't help, they probably wouldn't answer. Sometimes they're across the country, or destined to be in far away lands. And their quirks became your own,  now a simple word sheds light on memories buried in the deepest corner of your mind. Sometimes the worst way to miss someone is when they're just across the room. Awkward silence and distant stares fill the room. Sometimes you miss the person you talk to all day long or you miss the person you see every day. Because the situation is different and it's just not the same anymore. 

But the fact is, missing them isn't enough to bring them back.

one more spoon of cough syrup

“So, this is my life. I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” 

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

the last song that i write while still in love with you

if i had one wish

Sarahlou. Gosh I just love her. She's so dang funny and unique. Everyday I drive passed "Krispy Kremes" and every single day I just want to take her one. I miss her every day appearance in my life. I bought a Little Caesars pizza the other day and I had no one to share it with. Sarah has been a big blessing in my life and I love our friendship. She's such a cutie pie and I love her. I'm bummed I didn't get to see her on her birthday. It's just weird because I feel like it was yesterday that I threw her huge 16th birthday pary and now she's finally an adult. Lou, I love you! Happy Birthday!

Shazz. She's been my best friend since 7th grade. Goodness we've had countless memories together. I love thinking of tiny baby Lalo in 7th grade and our obsession with Keaton Roney. Or the time we went to San Diego and thought we were so cool. How many hundreds of Sundays have I spent in her room just blabing on while eventually she just fell asleep. I could never imagine my life without her. She's just always been there. I love her and I can't wait until all of the future memories we have together. Happy Birthday Shazzy! I freaking love you. 

 Isabella. Bella. Iszy. Giszby. Inspector Giz. (No I have never called her that but now I want to) Haters gonna hate but yes this (now) 15 year old is one of my best friends. Bella and I are just too freaking awesome to not be friends. I remember when I first met 12 year old Iszy. We were sitting in her basement and we instantly became friends. About a year and a half later, it was May 7th, the day I ran a half marathon, I was sitting in her basement yet again. Somehow I brought up yearbook and convinced her to join. (I also convinced Packer that Mayson had a twin and that my name was Dondra, so that's where Dondra comes from) But we've been buddies ever since. She got an email so I could communicate Yerd stuff with her over the summer and somehow we started emailing each other. We have emailed each other funny thing every day for over a year. . She is one of my very best friends. You will never meet a person like Isabella. If you can make her laugh her true laugh, you have accomplished great things in the world. I just love her. She's the little sister I never had. Except I do have a little sister but I didn't get to go to high school with Puffy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA. I freaking love you. One more year and you can officially date. Enjoy 15, it's a fun one.



(My computer was broken on Shazz and Louie's birthday so it's a few days late. But luckily it's working just in time for Bellas.)

hope for a badman

The world is a much bigger place than we ever imagine. It's actually quite ridiculous how much time I  spent worrying about what the football player ever thought about me. It's quite ridiculous I spent two and a half years getting over Jake Knell. Just one freaking boy in the whole wide world. It's quite ridiculous I ever gave a damn about what one person at Timpview High School ever thought about me. Honestly, the life I lived in high school was quite ridiculous. I was so consumed in who was dating who, where everyone was going, what my big plans were for Friday night. 

It's amazing to me how living on my own for a week has changed my perspective on everything. Because at the end of the day, my life is freaking MINE. Not anyone else's. And I have a heck of a lot to learn, I am far from the person I want to be. I have dreams of my own and I am letting NO ONE stop me from making them come true. 

Go ahead, judge me. Go ahead, tell me what I am doing is not right for me. I honestly could not care less what anyone in this world thinks about me. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and who I am choosing to be. Sure, I've got a lot of flaws. I work every day on them. Wanna know something funny? I'm very aware of my flaws and I will work on them one at a time. No need to remind me that I am not perfect. 

My dreams are above Timpview High School. My dreams are above Provo, UT. So instead of focusing on all of you people who tell me I can't, I'm going to concentrate on the countless people telling me that my dreams are real.  Just you watch. That's why over the last few months I have discovered my life motto.  

"Life is to short to be anything but happy"

your faith was strong

Aren't we 16 and heartbroken? Since when were we grown up and responsible? I can't believe this day is here. We've only talked about it a gazillion times.  He's been one of my best friends and he's been the best example to me. He honestly makes me laugh when I'm crying, He reminds me I am never alone. My heart holds a special place for this guy. Peru is lucky to have him.

"Go ye now in peace and know that the love of God will guide you, feel his presence here besides you, showing you the way. In your times of trouble, when hurt and despair are there to grieve you, know that the Lord will never leave you. He will bring your courage. Know that the God who sent his son to die that you might live, will never leave you lost and alone in his beloved world. Go ye now in peace."

I love you Elder Wheatley. Thanks for everything. And like you said, it's only two years right? 

all packed up and getting out of here

Two and a half years ago, I promised myself this would never be my home.
I hated every bit of my life, bitter and angry, I told myself I'd never accept this place.
I was embarrassed about the move, I was ashamed of my parents, I was upset.
8 months of construction followed. 
The worst 8 months of my life.
Our whole main floor was being torn about with my mom's own two hands.
7 of us were crammed in 3 rooms, no kitchen, hardly any money to our name.
I felt alone and bitter. This place could never be my home.
It was hell.

I look around at my half packed room, clothes all over the floor.
I still don't have carpet installed and I haven't had closet doors since we moved in.
My walls are painted half blue and the air conditioning doesn't function properly.
The toilet in my bathroom is still hideous pink and the boys still haven't learned how to flush it.
I laugh each time I remember we still don't have a railing and we have a broken baby gate so Maddox doesn't fall down the stairs when he sleep walks.

This place is far from perfect but it is everything my home is.

Home is coming home from a long day of school and activites and having Puffy greet me with a hug.
Home is the countless hours I've spent listening to music while doing the dishes.
Home is a skate ramp in my garage because that's just the way my dad is.
Home is stickers on my door and writing that says "Maddox" all over it.
Home is the annoyance that my TV always has to be on during family dinner.
Home is rushing to get the perfect Sunset photo at 7:45.
Home is loud. Crazy loud. One million little people, big people, all over the place, going and going.
Home is the leftover Little Caesars boxes and Wills Pit Stop Cups all over the place.

I've been so excited for freedom.
No more doing dishes for 8 million, or arguing with my parents.
No more little kids yelling at me or watching dumb tv shows or babysitting.
Freedom. I get to do what I want when I want.

Nothing breaks my heart more than saying goodbye to home.
I can't imagine what it is going to be like to not see punk Maddox every day or Walker saying something ridiculous like "I'm not sitting down, I'm kneeing" No, not kneeling, kneeing.
And don't get me started on Puffy.
She's my little best friend. I love her more than anything I can explain.
Little Puffers has been through a lot for an 8 year old and I just see this amazing human being she is going to grow up into.
I love the way she youtubes Primary songs and asks me to read the scriptures to her.
She has the most special spirit I've ever seen in a person.
Truth of the matter is, these kids have been my best friends for almost ten years.
These kids are my home.
They are my everything.
And it breaks my heart to know I won't be around as much.
I'm going to miss their daily innocent laughs and the silly things they say.

I'm saying goodbye to home so I can make my dreams into reality and grow up. It's time. I'm ready. Four days from now I'll be out. I'll be free. It's all I've ever wanted.

"Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true, well isn't it?"

If that's the case, why am I bawling my eyes out? 

when we first met

"So I really hope that at the end of the month I get unlimited or at least texting to Verizon free! But unlimited would be nice!"

-Lauren Faber, 6/17/2007

Nothing makes me happier than knowing she's been my best friend longer than she has had unlimited texting. 

in another life

So I kind of love her.

i grow fonder everyday

We don't sleep anymore. My body and brain have decided staying up all night is much more fun than sleeping. We think about moving out and college and working and money and boys and tv shows and church and life. We enjoy our thoughts. After all, these are exciting thoughts. Our favorite thought is that all of these things don't worry us anymore like they used to. We're just ecstatic and counting down the days. Not gonna lie, summer needs to end now.

I'm fed up with goodbyes, I'm just ready for hello.

how bittersweet this would taste

I turned the page and wrote, I broke the rule.

He sat up in bed. I don't know how much time passed.

He wrote, Everything will be OK.

I told him OK wasn't enough.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I told him there was nothing left for a lie to protect.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I started to cry. 

It was the first time I had ever cried in front of him. It felt like making love. 

I asked him something I had needed to know since we made that first nothing place years before.

What are we? Something or nothing?

When  I said goodbye to him, before he left for the airport, I lifted his suitcase and it felt heavy.

That's how I knew he was leaving me.

I wondered if I should stop him. If I should wrestle him to the ground and force him to love me. I wanted to hold his shoulders down and shout into his face. 

"Promise me you'll take care. Promise me you'll take extra good care. I know you look both ways before you cross the street but I want you to look both ways a second time because I told you."  

all it does is slow me down

I'm secretly a hoarder. I'm the type of person who keeps every note every soul has taken their time to write me,  I have clothes from freshman year hanging in my closet, every program from every play I have gone to since I was 15, I keep everything.

Fortunately, moving causes me to desensitize myself from my past lives. As part of preparing for my new adventure,  I've been dejunking my closet,  DI-ing clothes, trashing pointless notes...letting go of my past. It's quite relieving.

"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor yearn vainly for yesterdays, no matter how good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from, not be lived in" 

-Jeffrey R. Holland

So instead of packing up old artifacts, I'll box up the lessons I've learned and tow those around. I find it funny that the closer growing up gets, the scarier it is. But it's a thrill I'm ready to face. I'm excited for what the future has in store.

you put on quite a show

I remember when I was a kid, there were 40-50 first place ribbons hanging on my wall.  None of them belonged to me. They were all my sister's. I had probably 6 ribbons. They were all participation.

Looking at all those ribbons and thinking how stupid she was for liking her ninth place ribbon the best. It was black and it was beautiful but was ninth. She had an abundance of blue, red and white ribbons.

I remember when she started dancing. Everyone knew she was just copying our aunt, Tristan. I thought that was stupid too. I will never know why, but I was so jealous when my mom made her that green/black ballroom dress. She always had her dance friends over and they always made me laugh. Then she got really good, and I just wondered why I didn't have any passions or talents like her.

She won medals and trophies,  all I got a letter grade on a piece of paper. It didn't make sense.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes as I lay in bed at night, I feel so overwhelmed. She left big shoes to fill. She went to college, did full on student government, went to hair school, worked at Old Navy, and somehow managed to still be my best friend.

When I didn't get the scholarship she got, I was upset. I was supposed to be "the leader," and she took that too I was on student government twice! And I was the yearbook editor-n-chief! I was the Laurel's, Miamaid AND Beehives president. Not gonna lie, I thought I had leadership down. I left that interview feeling confident as ever. After getting shot down, I was reminded of my days of gazing at all those colorful ribbons on the wall.

She always tells me I am prettier and have better hair. She was never surprised when I got asked to, as she put it,  another dance. She gladly came and made me beautiful for all of those. She is surely jealous of my amazing singing talent. About once ever few weeks,  I send her a video of me singing "Take A Bow" by Rhianna. It's pretty fantastic.

Sisters get jealous. It's human nature. They fight. They steal each others clothes without asking-- no matter how many times the other person says they must ask before taking their clothes. And they bring each other up when the going gets rough. And if you have my sister, they buy you an owl ring or earring for you to wear for each of your school dances that you never wear and buy the gift for Mother's Day and say it's from all of the kids. She gave me $24 dollars exactly for graduation because I graduated on the 24th. She cuts my hair and buys me tacos.

She's my best friend. Sure she screws up sometimes and embarrasses me in front of boys. We're two completely different people but because we're sisters, it just works so perfectly. She's just like my mom. And our family is still trying to figure out where I am from.

I pray that I set as good of an example little Puffs as Sensen has to me.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I love her.

believe in something else

Time to time, it hits me. 

So long to you.