Thursday, June 30, 2011

oh our hearts are for calleva.

Calleva has taken over my life. 

You know in Mean Girls when ALL she thinks and talks about is Regina George. She didn't even like her that much and it basically became her life. 

(I actually don't recommend that movie. It really isn't filled with things of the goodness like the gospel) 

I feel like that. 
I don't even like Calleva that much. 

Yet, every moment of my day, I am thinking about it.

I wake up. That means it's time to get ready for work. Make a lunch. (or don't make a lunch, that's been my thing this week)

I go to work from 8:42-4:06 (pretty much precisely) every day.

At home, I sing camp songs all day. I think about what I am going to wear. I go to staff things. (Never sure why, I  never like them)  I think about how my day went.  I think about how much I don't want to go back the next day.  Blah blah blah.


Except today, Ashley Barney came over. She looked in my fridge.
Ashley: You have JELLO!
Me: Well, yeah. I made it this morning! 
Ashley: Only a Utah girl would do that. Only a Utah girl.

You know when you have a crush on someone and they are all you think about.  You think of your "future" and "stories" and all these stupid things. Yeah, well it's like I have a crush on my job.  



Staff Outing. Pouring Rain. Baby.

Sometimes though, I do like it. Yesterday, we were talking with the kids about why they decided to put Calleva at Riley's Lock. (The place we meet each day) Some girl yells "Because they don't have wi-fi here!" That's right. No wi-fi young one.
I have a feeling this is posed.
On a aide note, welcome home brotha! This picture makes me giggle. (More like laugh like Hugh Bryant Plautz and Jensen. Gotta love the laugh that runs in the family)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

fear not, I am with thee.

"Keep going Utah, don't cry Utah! You are almost finished Utah!" 
Our lives are a marathon. Having the opportunity to run 2 half marathons I have felt the fear of not finishing. I understand the hills, the bumps, the long miles. But in life, we seem to forget, that there is a happy ending waiting for us--  finish line with people cheering and a glorious feeling of accomplishment and victory.  

It's hard to feel alone. To feel that you are on your own, with no support. It's hard to know that at the end of the day, I don't have anyone to go home and tell how it was. It's hard to feel that I am the only person that has values, morals or standards. I am not only alone physically, but emotionally, I feel that I am alone. 

But when I feel alone, I remember, "He lives to comfort me when faint, he lives to hear my soul's complaint! He lives to silence all my fears, he lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubles heart. He lives all blessings to impart"
That's the thing. We are never alone. The Lord doesn't forget about us. The Lord is ever mindful of our challenges. He knows how we feel. He knows what we are going through.  "His hands stronger than nations, power without end. And yet, through them we find our truest friend"  So when you get to mile 20's of your marathon lives. (Or in my cases miles 5, 7, 10 depending on the day) Remember that. Our support, our strength, our purpose. Christ is there.
"Though hard to you, your journey may appear. . .  happy day! All is well!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

if i had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?

My sister literally asked for this. 

There becomes a moment in life when your older sister goes from being your worst enemy to your best friend. It's a small moment that seriously changes your world. It's the moment when all of the sudden you both realize that you both steal each others clothes, and that fighting about it isn't going to do anything. It's the moment when you realize that a line across a room doesn't mean you aren't sharing, it just means that you are probably going to be fighting even more. So it's that moment when you take down that line, visible and not visible. For me, it was that moment that my sister literally tackled me to the ground because I wasn't sharing enough information about my "love" life with her. I think she felt betrayed because she would tell me everything and more. I think that moment made me realize how much she cares about me. (Even though she was beating me up)

I still remember the day when she sat me in the bathroom and told me that she just had to take out my 2 not-so-loose front teeth.
I remember the day she got me ready for Prom.  (Um.. did you see how gorgeous I looked? well you can thank her... hahaha just kidding , i am not that cocky. But she did help me) I remember searching and searching for that "perfect" hairstyle. Yet as I felt so uncomfortable about the idea of wearing my somewhat poofy dress, and being all dressed up just for a date, she helped me to find that perfect look so instead of feeling ridiculous, I felt incredible. 

I remember all of the times she has bought me jewelry. Most of which has been with owls on it that she has tried to convince me to wear to a dance. She bought me Harvey when she was mad at her ex-boyfriend. She bought me Harvey earrings when instead of her going to the Valentine's Dance, I was the snob of a little sister who got asked twice. She bought me my earrings for homecoming. She attempted another pair for Valentines. She also bought me my favorite ring. Funny thing is, I wonder the day she will notice that I never wear jewelry. But, I will always let her buy me it. 

One of my final memories of her before I left was the Sunday before I left to Maryland. Lydia texted me about Les Mis and I really wanted to go. I know my mom wouldn't let me go if I had to ask her for money, she just spent hundreds on me the days before getting me ready to go. So, Jensen gave me the $40 to go. She is just a college student. She works (I swear) more than full time,  she goes to hair school and she goes to college. Money is flowing from her butt. But she gave it to me. I, of course, told her I would pay it back. She knew it wouldn't be anytime soon. But she didn't care. 

That's the thing about my sister. Sure, I wouldn't go to her if I needed advice and I expected a scripture reference for an answer. But she has taught me better than anyone else about service.Think, all of those things in her own way are services she has done for me.  She is always the first one to help and the last one to leave. She isn't about herself. I think of the fact that on Mothers Day, she bought the stuff, she cleaned the house, while I sat in my room and moped because I couldn't move. (I ran a half marathon the day before.) Father's Day, I ask her what she did for my dad. She bought him a $60 gift card-- $10 from each kid. She didn't need to do that. She has spent more of her life doing my laundry then I have. She comes home, and she straightens up our always messy kitchen. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my sister's best quality is the service she gives for others.

So sure, she asked for it. But I think these are words I forget to say. I truly love her.  Even when she is stupid, even when she does things that I think are ridiculous, even when she makes mistakes, I love her. I'm stuck with her for eternity. I might as well make it worth something.

I love you Jensen Nicholle Astle.

Monday, June 27, 2011

just another ordinary miracle.

I opened my email expecting the usual-- a email from some sort of Calleva staff, a fastweb news message, maybe a Pinterest email and most likely a response from Iszy-- but instead, I had received one final email from my brother. In 48 hours, he will no longer be a serving missionary of the church. He will be home, and I won't be there. The subject of his email was entitled "Life happens. . . . but so do miracles!" As I read about his last minute transfer, (the one which caused me to no longer be able to see him), I thought about how much of life had been happening here, and the miracles I have seen with it.

My experiences here, have not been the easiest. I have had a rough start making friends, and a rougher start fitting in. Work has been hard, and I have felt alone for a majority of the 27 days I have lived here. So here's to "life" that has been going on in Poolseville Maryland. 

But-- as I stop to reflect the small miracles that have happened, I cannot forget how blessed and watched over I am by a loving Heavenly Father.

I think of my mom, who randomly had to visit for work. To see one familiar face, helped me to decide that staying here is going to be okay, and to know that when I come home, I will have a loving family and support of my friends. My mom was a miracle.

I think of the time when Eric (the man I live with) sat me down and had a talk about my work, and about how hard I work. The advice and the "support" he gave me was a miracle. 

I think of the fact that I have almost been in 2 car crashes, and the fact that I am still alive and I have yet to actually crash. Surviving was a miracle. 

The many phone calls, some which lasted 4 minutes, others up to 2 hours, with my friends and family who have supported me in venturing off. I know many of them would not desire me to be gone, yet, they take much time out of their day to comfort me. To find service here, and to be able to talk for longer than 1 minute, that is a miracle. But really, I have seen the miracle of friendship.

Even just barely, as I wondered what I would be eating for dinner, who I would spend the night with, I got a phone call from a man in my ward/work inviting me for FHE. This invitation was a miracle. 

Miracles happen everyday. They do. Not just every day around the world, every day to you personally.  It's up to us to decide if we will recognize them as miracles, or just as day to day events in life. Open your perspective and realize that God is in your life. Small things, big things--  he is there. He is helping. Not only that, but he cares. 

Today,  I challenge you to find your miracle.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

this one's for the girls

She takes the time out of her day to listen to me. No matter if it is good, bad, sad, or even something she has heard 100,000,000,0000 times, she will listen. She knows I need to vent. She knows I can't go by without telling someone everything. She doesn't have to, but she always does.

She isn't jealous or envious. We have grown to really just be happy for the way that the other person's life is going. I can tell her good news and instead of being like "Why you? Why not me?" She gets as excited as I am. But I get excited for her. Sure, we don't see eye to eye on certain things, but we are always genuinely happy for one another.

She constantly makes me a better person. She sets goals for herself; she never gives up. Her life isn't always perfect, but I admire the things she does to handle it. She reminds me of who I am. She helps me make decisions to be one step closer to God. 

She is comfortable in her own skin. I love that most about her. She is never changing herself to become something different than who she is. She knows herself, and she accepts herself. She doesn't try to be someone she is not. She is 100% herself.

She is just the best friend anyone could ask for. She is always there, no matter what. Although we live across the country, I have gone to her in times of struggles and loneliness and she has comforted me. She doesn't care if I call her about one bad thing that happened that day, or tell her the greatest news. I couldn't ask for a better blessing in my life. 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

the spirit of god, like a fire is burning

There are no words to describe how much I love this video. I am sure I have blogged about it, I am sure many of you have seen it. Each time I watch it, I get something new. Watch it. Watch it again. It truly is life changing. 
Therefore, I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when, from time to time, we ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts:
* Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

* When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

* In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

* First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don't permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

* You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

* Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

* Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church.

* God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

* God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.

* Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

* When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

* Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

* If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

* Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.

* Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words. Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

* Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

* You want to be good and to do good. That is commendable. But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

* The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

* Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

* And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.

Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow, death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation and joy when he will come in his glory.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

and you played it to the beat.

So I put on my make up and pray for AMERICA!!!

I make myself laugh. I still can't believe I ever thought those were the words to I'd Lie by Taylor Swift. It's really, "pray for a miracle."  The thing about Taylor is that her songs are fun to rock out to even if they don't have anything to do with your life. For example,  Better Than Revenge, Mean, and even I'd Lie-- all of them so much fun to sing but it doesn't relate to me. (But the ones that do relate are even more fun!) One of my favorites is "You Belong with Me", I rock out to that one and I know for a fact that no one at the moment belongs with me. haha.  I just love to rock out to music. Or just sing. Rolling in the Deep, Adele. EW. I don't like Adele, but I LOVE the Glee version of that song, and I find myself singing it all the time.  And listening to it. 

Today I thought about all of the movies I have watched in the last 23 days, ok it is sickening. I cannot believe it. But whatever. I don't think the next Harry Potter movie will come out soon enough. I CAN'T WAIT! I am going to the midnight show and everything. (Well, who isn't?!) Oh my gosh, I am so excited. I feel a Harry Potter marathon coming on soon. (Although I have watched 3 of them already) Maybe Becky will join me. Becky is in my ward and I work with her. That would be fun. If she doesn't, I have the house to myself for a week. Party! By myself. Expect it. Movie marathon, by myself, in the basement. It's going to be a blast. You are all invited. You would have to get on a plane though and then I will pick you up from whatever airport you fly into. I am a nice soul huh? 

Jesse St. James from Glee has the hottest voice. I wish his face matched his beautiful voice.

This song goes out to my XC friends. Anyone remember me singing this basically everyday in the locker room? This is it: It happens everytime! 

PS. My kids painted me today, they asked if I was breathing better. Hahahaha

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

all of the dirt you've been throwing my way.

Did you know that I breathe better when I am muddy? Also my mom kicked me out of the house because I would get the house too muddy? Then when she would give me soap to clean my body, I would just eat the soap for breakfast? Well, it's true. And I walked here from Utah because I had no where to go. Now I just live on a rock by Riley's Lock (where Calleva meets together) and they pay me in soap and give me lunch? Yep. So my campers attacked me with muddy sand and washed my hair in it. All the girls said I looked pretty with my hair like that. Except they weren't kidding. Even the other JC thought so. So I guess shampoo is for LOSERS.  My favorite was the little girl who told me I could live with her and that my life was really sad. 

Oh the things that children believe.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

a house that might have been a home.

As a little girl and honestly as a big girl, I never understood why on earth Dorothy wanted to leave Oz. To me, Oz had everything. I always thought that the idea of "There is no place like home" was just cliche and that it's possible that somewhere is better than home. But reality is calling, there really is no place like home. If I have learned anything, it's that.

I love my home. A home isn't a place where you and your family gather, eat dinner, do laundry-- that's a house. A home is the place that you make the most memories with the people you love. It's the place where you run to when you have no place else to go. A home isn't necessarily one place with one address. My home consists of most of Provo Utah. It' is Wills Pit Stop and Timpview High School. My home is the University Mall and Del Taco.  My home has a Y on the side of it's mountains. My home is at my church building, the one by the round-a-bout. My home is Day's Market or the parking lot at Surf-n-Slurp. It's the Seminary building and the  Provo Temple. It's at my Grandma's, Sarah's, Lauren,  and Lydia's houses. Home isn't just where I go to bed at night, it's the places I go to fill my life with purpose.

I am missing the places I am most familiar with. I am missing the people I spend my time with, and the people who make these places home.  I miss my family. I miss the friends who have spent their lives shaping me into the person I want to be. I miss familiar faces most places I go. I miss the seminary teachers. Freak yeah I do. Every Wednesday, I wish I could go to Summer Seminary. If you aren't going, GO! Please! It's so wonderful.  I miss the faces at the Temple.

Right now, I am missing home.

Friday, June 17, 2011

they say home is where the heart is.

The staff debrief tonight was actually pretty fun. The JC people in charge of us are so awesome. Well, there is Gresko-- he looks a lot like Andy Samburg. He is super cool too. I love being around him. Then there is Stevo, who used to have really gross long hair and buzzed it all off and now is pretty attractive, well I don't know him too well. Last, Colleen. She looks like Jocelyn Murray. Besides what she looks like, she is super cool. I like being around her. Then I just hung out with the JCs and ate chicken. 

After the meeting, I came home, turned on Harry Potter, almost did yearbook stuff and went on Pinterest for so long. Pinterest is addicting and it really makes me think about my future home. I never imagine myself living in a huge spacey home similar to the one I live in Maryland. I imagine a more cozy, and very cute home. Ideally, with shutters and a picket fence. Pretty please husband? I just want a picket fence and I will be the happiest, best behaved wife ever. I imagine a cute home, but really, nothing too fancy. I want to make each of my kids quilts. I want to personalize my home. It will be me. It will feel like a home. In my head, I have the cutest home ever.

is this so hard to ask for?

Have you noticed my late obsession with my future home? Yeah, so have I. PINTEREST. It will do that to you.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

oh it sounds good to me.

In the future. . when I fall in love. . . and marry a man. . . and have a baby or two or three or four and hopefully no more than four. . .  (and name one Alice). . . I want a few things. 

These pictures in a baby boy room. Come on! That is adorable. I am in love with sarahjanestudios. Anjie showed me yesterday and I seriously cannot describe my love for this stuff. It's all adorable. ALL. I hope it's around when I have kids. If not, I will hunt this Sarah Jane down. She is from Utah. It's not impossible! 

Second, in another, (or I guess the same) baby's room I want this picture. I want my house to be filled of art work of Christ and LDS things. I remember the first time I saw this picture in Sunday School. I was in awe of it. It's among my favorite LDS artwork. Ever since that first moment, I decided I wanted it in my baby's room. 

Next fantasy, I thought about sharing, but it's just such a cute idea.  I really don't want people stealing it.  I feel like for one moment I had a creative bone in my body. I think I will keep that one to myself. 

Another Sarah Jane Studios artwork. Kitchen perfect? I think so. I really can't get over how much I love this girl. 

Okay, the family tree is so freaking stinking beeping cute. If you knew how much time I have spent on this girl's stuff in the past hour. Okay, so like an hour. But still, I cannot express this. Just visit her stuff. It will be worth your time. 

Last but not least-- a kitchenaid. Ever since I was young, I dreamed of having one of these in my own kitchen. They are just so great and wonderful and cute. Who doesn't want to own this thing?

I joined Pinterest and now I am thinking of my cute house when I am big and grown up and married and stuff. That's not for a while, but this stuff is still bucketloads of fun to look at.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

so this is love.

In my short life of 17 years, I have searched for what love is. Love is something that words cannot describe. It's something that I fear, it's something I don't understand. It's something that I personally believe that we will never fully comprehend on our life on earth. Everybody desires to be loved, everybody searches for it. It's one of the most basic principles to human life.

At some point in my life, I desire to be loved. The kind of love where every moment with someone is your new favorite moment. The kind of love where it's about the little things and not so much the little ones. It's the kind of love that I want to believe exists. The day I decided it was possible was when Brother Dykstra talked about his wife and kids. (You know, the day I cried in seminary? It was so tender, I shed some tears-- that's really saying something) It was that day that I decided, I am going to find that man. The man who is willing to work and to fight for me. The kind of man who strives to be the best he could be. The kind of man who will tell anyone about how much he loves me. But I realized, if I want to marry that kind of man, I need to become that kind of woman. Love is when two people always try to outdo the other person in kind acts. It's not finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you can't live without. Love is caring more for the well being of another person, more than the well being of your own.  "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

One day, I want a man to look me into the eyes and say, "Mayson, I am in love with your existence"  Then, I will simply smile, (and hopefully take it well  . . .yeah) And know that he loves me. And know that I want to spend eternity with him. Is it so much to ask to be loved? Well, I still have a while to go, but hey, a girl can dream right? I am saying eventually, I think I will actually like this kind of stuff in real life. It's all cute in theory. (Do you like my emphasizing skills?) 

But, for now, I have found my definition of love--
"To love another person is to see the face of God" 
Thank you Les Miserables.

Monday, June 13, 2011

i don't care what people say.

This is when you know that you have no friends. hahaha, I just danced around my room, took pictures on photo booth, again and then just put in on the internet for you all to see. Obviously I don't seem to care what you have to think any more. Boredom and lack of friends leaves me this way. What do you do when you are bored? I need tips. And preferably not educational valuable things. I know I should do EHS, or work on Yearbook stuff or read a book, if I wanted to do those things, I would have. So now I lay on a bed, thinking about how I just want to do something, like go get frozen yogurt at Yogi Castle. That sounds delicious. I wish that idea would have come up at dinner today. I am tempted to ask if I could go, but I have no idea how to get there, and we went there just the other day, but can one have too much frozen yogurt goodness? If I knew anyone around, I would go with them and it wouldn't be as weird. But I don't.  So I am stuck here at the home, like always. Do I dare watch another movie? No. Not today. Bursting out, well actually more like blasting, and mouthing "Empire State of Mind" will be fine for now. August will not come soon enough Lars Bars. On a side note, my mom is here in Maryland. Weird huh? I will probably going to Travis Pastrana's house this Saturday. It's the perfect excuse to NOT go to work and to RUB it in SARAH'S FACE. (Just kidding girl, I love you) I like my mom, she is cool. So yeah, I might be seeing her. Hopefully. I really don't want to go to work and I really want to see her. Double goodness. The thought of spending 6 days at Calleva this week is awful, and technically I am supposed to go on Sunday. Beep no. I am going to church and having a day of rest. That's it. The end. See you all later. Well, not really. Well, I guess later.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

there's something 'bout love

My favorite word so far on the 50 week challenge. I have started and restarted trying to express my thoughts on love. I can't put it into words. Partly because I have no idea what it really is. Partly because I am more afraid of love than heights. It confuses me. So for today, my thinking will be done in pictures.

Simply said, I love my family. We are a crazy clan. But we stick together. That's saying something. Each person in my family means a lot to me. Can't live with them, can't live without them. Time and all eternity. That's how long we are stuck with each other. I think it will be an entertaining one :)

Simply said, I love my friends. (Dania there was a pic of you but it just wouldn't work) I have other friends I love dearly that aren't in the pics. I just love that my friends are so caring and dear to me. They treat me so great. I have been blessed in my life to grow up with some of the best people ever. Because of my friends, I am the person I am today. They say, " A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you laughing at what you did" I would say, each of these people are true friends.

Simply said, I love going to dances.  These are a few pictures from the dances I have been to. I love dancing, I love boys, I don't really love dancing with boys. (Who does? No matter who you are with slow songs are awkward, unless they purposely make it awkward then it's just fun) Dates are so fun. I just feel so good when I am on a date. (I also am craving a date, it's been awhile)

Simply said, I love running. It's good for my soul, and my body. It has taught me a lot and it has changed my life. 2 half marathons down, many more to go. Maybe someday I will even conquer a marathon. But for now, I will stick to another season of XC. 

Simply said, I love high school. Whaaat? Gasp?! I love high school?! Yep. You got that. I love high school, especially Timpview. I am not the type to countdown to graduation or think I am too cool for it. In reality, I love it. There is so much to be involved in. Bring in on 2012. We got this. 

Simply said, and not all so simply pictured, I love food. I love babies. I love history. I love music. I love talking. I love being around the people I love. I love naps. I love quotes. I love movies. I love my computer. I love sandwiches. I love blue powerade (especially from the fountain!) I love crazy cores. I really love candy. I love home. I love Utah. Oh and I love Oz.

But mostly, in the simplest way I know, I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love everything about it. I love our Prophet, as I do previous latter prophets and the prophets of old. I love the way the gospel has changed my life. The gospel is my anchor. It is my happiness. It is my purpose in life. It is my life. I love our Savior, Jesus Christ. We cannot even begin to comprehend the love he has for us. My seminary teacher once said "No one in the world will be able to love you the way The Lord loves you, so why put anybody else first?" That changed me. I love that the gospel is in my life today. I love that it changes me daily for the better. I love that no matter who you are-- black, white, asian, male, female, skinny as a twig, fat as a horse, talented, coordinated, or not so much, 4.5 or 99-- we can turn to the gospel.  I am eternally grateful that I was raised in a Latter Day Saint home. I love the temple and the feeling it gives me.  I love the gospel. I really do. 

PS. Expect lots of thoughts on love this week, I have a lot to say and think about. :)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

i can't help but wondering

12:30 Maryland time and wide awake-- perfect. 
The fish was caught. Since we were fishing with 8 year old kids, we were putting the fish back into the water. The fish swallowed the hook. But the fisherman couldn't get the hook out, we cut the string and let the fish go, hook and all. I keep thinking about the fish, swimming in the C&O Canal, it's home, with a hook jabbed into it's throat. The fish was free. It was better than when it was connected to the line when it couldn't swim away. But what happened after it's new freedom? No matter if it decided to stay in the canal or venture out into the Potomac River, it would have the hook in it. Everywhere the fish goes from now on, the hook will remain.  The fisherman goes about life, putting on new hooks trying to catch other fish. I wonder if the fish just wishes the fisherman caught it forever. It now has to swim around forever with the scar reminding it of the interaction with the fisherman, it would have been better to just be caught. Right?

maybe. in. the. future.

I guess being away from home and watching too many hours of TV makes me think. People. Why are they in our lives? Why were they? How long will they be there? Who will stay, and who will go?

They say life is just a short period of time, but then why do so many people have to come and go? Change is a hard thing. After being away from my home in Provo, I guess I have really thought abut who I truly care about and who I like but that I don't think will be around forever. It's hard to think that there are more people out there that will probably be my new best friends. The people in my future ward, possible college roommates, even my husband. Sure it's possible that I know these people now,
 but it's not likely.

Which scares me. Lately I have been thinking about him. Him as in whoever the heck my husband is. I have these expectations. Expectations isn't the word, it's more like fantasies. And it sucks because I am only 17. But I don't want to marry anyone anytime soon. I just want to know who he is, and what he is like and what his personality is like. I just want to know him. For one minute, I want to be That's So Raven, I want to see the future. But then I want to go back to the present, and forget what I saw. Is there a Harry Potter spell for that?

Oh man, am I the only one who thinks this way?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

hung upon your wall for the world to see.

Sometimes I feel like crap after 99 degree, 80% humidity and a day at the farm with 6 kids for 7 hours. So after eating dinner, I thought I would go lay in my room and just relax. Finn and Gabe had different plans. . .

So we played. Gabe (the older one) was the monster while Finn and I tried to escape from him. 
And we took lots of pictures. :) 

I have camp songs stuck in my head. To the max. It's quite great. (But not really!) Tomorrow is my last day of work until Monday. I worked every day this whole week. (Including Saturday and Sunday, I need a break for a couple of days) Calleva, you are taking over my life!!  

Ahh man, I love little kids. They say the funniest things, like seriously. Gabe and I were looking at some pictures on my computer and I said "That boy is really cute" His response? "I can tell" Hahaha. Oh boy. How hilarious? I loved it. 

You met a few of my new friends now. Little Finn is super cute, and I love Gabe. Isn't it nice to know that I have friends? And I LIVE with them! Maybe I will find me a 17 year old friend. Just maybe.