Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Do You Wanna Know What Makes Me Jealous?

Ok really, this is the type of stuff that makes me so jealous- when people randomly do nice stuff for other people, like show up at their house, or buy them hot chocolate on a bad/cold day, or stuff like that. In no means, would I ever be mad at someone for getting those type of things! (So if it happens to you quite often or ever, I am not mad at you, I probably am just jealous)  That's so cute. I just envy it. I never get random visitors, or little cute nice things. I don't know how many people actually do get that type of stuff. It may be a small handful or a large net-full of people. It doesn't matter how many, I am never one of them. Lately, I feel like the forgotten one. Well, that's probably because I am the forgotten one. That's hard for me, really really hard. I used to be the life of the party, I used to truly be liked by people. But then one day, that was over. Gone. Now I am just a girl in the corner of the party, if I am even there. The other day, I spent the afternoon with some of my oldest, best friends. I went inside and bawled. Why? I just realized they live a perfectly fine life without me, while I am miserable, alone and really sad. Bawled, me. Crying. I used to never cry. But lately I cry all the time. I am so lonely, all the time.  It's partly my fault, I made choices, and now I suffer the consequences. Everyone just sees the fake smiles and thinks I am happy. It has been a rough year, I hope to soon forget.

"A long December, and there is reason to believe, maybe this year will be better then the last"
Thank you Counting Crows.


  1. I feel for you, Mayson. I truly do.

  2. mayson. it WILL get better. i promise.

  3. come over to my house whenever you feel so inclined. :) we do live one street away, and I know between the two of us, we have enough chick-flicks to last us 10 years.