Sunday, February 20, 2011

the questions with no answers

Sometimes I wish I had my life figured out and I knew what I wanted.

Am I going to get asked to Prom? Who will I ask to Morp? Who will I go to Prom with? Must I go dress shopping? Dances dances dances. Dumb, stressful, eventful, wonderful, marvelous activities we attend.

What will it be like when I go to Maryland? Will I make new friends, and totally love it? Or will I be the weird outcast Mormon girl who's loud and annoying?

What will my love life be like? Not the high school love stuff, I suck at handling more than anyone you know, but my college, future dating love life?

My friends always say I am most likely to get married first? Why is that? Do I seem that starved for love? Ok yeah, maybe just a little bit.

I describe myself as the hopeless romantic. Because A) I want to believe in love, but I deep down, I fear it. More than anything you can imagine. I wonder if it exists. and B) Hopeless... who the heck would love all of me? I am crazy. Some people remind me everyday :) (But I am pretty sure those are the people who love me the most)

mary_baby_jesusWill I be able to have kids? I love babies. Yesterday-- there were babies everywhere. The adorable baby sitting next to me at the funeral, Lauren's nephew, the baby at outback. I just love them. Then today at church, I found my new favorite picture. . . I have never looked at a picture with such emotion before. I imagined being Mary for a moment and holding the Savior of the world in my arms. She may be the luckiest girl in the world. But Heavenly Father shares that moment of perfection with us when he sends us these precious angels. If  I could explain how happy I am when I have a baby in my arms, I would. But I cannot. Therefore, we can pretend like anyone in this world can comprehend how happy they truly make me.                                                                                                                                                                        I wonder how long things will be like this.


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