gonna party like its 2012

2012.

Completed the Yearbook

Went to senior ball with my life long friend, Mike Witham

Graduated High School

Survived working at Vivint with Tyler Hill

Went to Aspen Grove. Twice. With the Huish Fam and my Martinis Fam 

Moved out and started UVU

Was a Big Cat for a day
Went to Vegas to support Mitt Romney

Watched all 5 seasons of Merlin

Spent most of my time with baby Eloise
Survived the end of the Mayan Calendar 

Made some pretty bomb awesome friends

Kept some pretty bomb awesome friendships

It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst. I had quite a bit of life changes this year and I'm growing to love each and every one of them as they have come. I'm quickly learning that life is a big adventure. So here's to you 2012, thanks for the memories, the people I have shared it with and for helping me grow to the person I have become. 

the weary world rejoices

Without the garden, a cross on the hill, the betrayal of good friends and the hatred of men, what would the stable be? 

she fell in love in the first place

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

After all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "

this clock never seemed so alive

The happiest of people are those who are perfectly content with the relationships they share with other people. 

more than anything

I'm the only person in the world who would order a vanilla frosty from Wendy's

 and I want someone to love me for that.

make the most of the night

I suppose happiness isn't a destination we arrive at.
Maybe it's something what we find along the way. 
And pick up in pieces, one bit at a time.
Little by little, searching for happiness.
Maybe you'll just find one million little things that bring you joy.
But those little things will add up to what the whole world is searching for,
A happy life.

know i said it a million times

Sounds like me about now.

Sleeping is overrated anyway.

stop and stare

Introducing my really attractive boyfriend. . .

Bradley James.

You are allowed to stare but you better keep in mind that he's all mine.

the lucky one

My roomies and I bond by watching movies and swooning over this man. We rock.

far too young and clever

So yeah, this happened. 

And so did this.

Welcome to Sunday night in 408.

anyone with a broken heart

"How is it that billions of people roam the earth, yet so many of us are all alone?"

"I suppose God must know what he's doing."

i miss your face like hell

Sometimes you miss the person that is five miles away. Calling them wouldn't help, they probably wouldn't answer. Sometimes they're across the country, or destined to be in far away lands. And their quirks became your own,  now a simple word sheds light on memories buried in the deepest corner of your mind. Sometimes the worst way to miss someone is when they're just across the room. Awkward silence and distant stares fill the room. Sometimes you miss the person you talk to all day long or you miss the person you see every day. Because the situation is different and it's just not the same anymore. 

But the fact is, missing them isn't enough to bring them back.

turn your back on mother nature

"Whatever happened to the good old 70's? And words like 'groovy, far out, bitchin and peace?'" 

-Timpview 1988 Yearbook

Sometimes I think I was born at the wrong time. I just want to date Jake Ryan from 16 Candles and listen to George Michael all day.  I want to wear bright colors and for some I have convinced myself  1980's Diet Coke would taste exponentially better than a can from 2012.  I wear Chuck Taylor's like nobody else's businesses. Sometimes I dream about meeting Michael Jackson and moon-walking on the moon. For some reason I get along with 40-something-year-olds better than any kid my age. I'm also pretty sure Molly Ringwald would have been my best friend back in the day.

So that's what's up with me. 

Bitchin'. 

 (Only acceptable for the WWW. had I been born 28 years earlier and if they had the WWW. back in the glory days) 

one more spoon of cough syrup

“So, this is my life. I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” 

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

the last song that i write while still in love with you

i know we can keep going

It's like being caught in a snow storm on the way to the beach. All I have is a bike, beach towel, a swim suit and some flip flops. Suddenly the snow is so deep up my bare legs. But instead of trying to avoid the storm and find safety, I lay down and take a nap. While becoming  frozen,  I dream of the beach as it's supposed to be instead facing of the reality of the blizzard right before me. 

falling from cloud nine

I keep on telling myself that there is a point to all of this. The fibs I whisper to my thoughts that it'll all be worth it. That there are lessons to be learned and plenty of fish in the sea.

But I've never loved a human more. 

And on that day, I want it to be him. More than anything.

But sometimes I wonder where all of this is going and what we are doing here. Why can't it be? 

The amount of love and happiness he brings could supply for a lifetime. 

But at the end of the day, I ponder the possibility.

 

(s o m e t i m e s  l o v e  i s  n o t  e n o u g h)

take my hand, i'll teach you to dance

Plus I got these 50/50 skull candies today,. Thanks Vivint!

 It's dark and I'm getting cold, time to go in and return to unknown lives.  For a moment, let's set here and pretend that everything can be. Happiness is a smile, and those blue eyes. Remember me. Remember this moment. It's a compliment that lights up your day and the laugh that lasts a lifetime. Just another typical Tuesday night, just as you said it would be. And maybe Seuss was right, sometimes the questions are complicated, but the answers are simple.

 I couldn't be happier, simply, couldn't be happier.

it's not what i came here for

I spend the day alone. I talk to some familiar faces from high school or my apartment building, but for the most part, I'm alone.  I spend so much of my time walking. Walking to my classes, walking to school, walking to the office, walking to the library, walking  to my room, walking up the stairs, walking down the stairs, walking walking walking. Walking is a lonely activity. I walk by thousands of people a day that I know nothing about. Some days I miss the hum of the drama being spread around the commons at Timpview High School. I remember the day my junior year that I thought it would be interesting to eat lunch alone and I failed after a few minutes because someone joined me. Nowadays, I eat alone quite often. I've been involved with too many conversations of silence these days. 

I'm just a lonely person in a lonely place. 

haven't seen each other in a month

I still exist. My computer charger does not. That is all. Goodnight. 

Don't forget to check this out because it's back in business. 

a dark world aches for a splash of the sun

I am in survival mode. I went to buy groceries and my wallet was missing somewhere in the world of Walmart. Now my food supply is shrinking. I missed class because I can't park in the parking lot at school because my pass is in said wallet and all of my money is in said wallet so I could not pay a parking ticket even if I wanted to. Plus gas is running low. I can't take the bus because my bus pass is indeed connected to my debit card which is indeed in  my wallet. I can only get $100 from my bank account because I don't have any ID because my ID is most definitely in my wallet. We'll see how long I can make this $100 last. My computer charger is broken so when I went to order a new one on Amazon and of course this one out of a million tines, they want me to verify my card number in order to purchase, so now I am computerless. I've been living off of free cookies at UVU Events (that I was most definitely not invited to, but I sneak cookies at all sorts of events: book signings, courtyard activities, new employee luncheon) and chilling in the Library so I don't have to walk home between now and work at five. I am in survival mode.

Funny, I came across this post today of all days....

"There is someone you can forgive.
There is someone you can thank.
There is someone you can serve and lift."

Life's not so bad, even in survival mode. 

if i had one wish

Sarahlou. Gosh I just love her. She's so dang funny and unique. Everyday I drive passed "Krispy Kremes" and every single day I just want to take her one. I miss her every day appearance in my life. I bought a Little Caesars pizza the other day and I had no one to share it with. Sarah has been a big blessing in my life and I love our friendship. She's such a cutie pie and I love her. I'm bummed I didn't get to see her on her birthday. It's just weird because I feel like it was yesterday that I threw her huge 16th birthday pary and now she's finally an adult. Lou, I love you! Happy Birthday!

Shazz. She's been my best friend since 7th grade. Goodness we've had countless memories together. I love thinking of tiny baby Lalo in 7th grade and our obsession with Keaton Roney. Or the time we went to San Diego and thought we were so cool. How many hundreds of Sundays have I spent in her room just blabing on while eventually she just fell asleep. I could never imagine my life without her. She's just always been there. I love her and I can't wait until all of the future memories we have together. Happy Birthday Shazzy! I freaking love you. 

 Isabella. Bella. Iszy. Giszby. Inspector Giz. (No I have never called her that but now I want to) Haters gonna hate but yes this (now) 15 year old is one of my best friends. Bella and I are just too freaking awesome to not be friends. I remember when I first met 12 year old Iszy. We were sitting in her basement and we instantly became friends. About a year and a half later, it was May 7th, the day I ran a half marathon, I was sitting in her basement yet again. Somehow I brought up yearbook and convinced her to join. (I also convinced Packer that Mayson had a twin and that my name was Dondra, so that's where Dondra comes from) But we've been buddies ever since. She got an email so I could communicate Yerd stuff with her over the summer and somehow we started emailing each other. We have emailed each other funny thing every day for over a year. . She is one of my very best friends. You will never meet a person like Isabella. If you can make her laugh her true laugh, you have accomplished great things in the world. I just love her. She's the little sister I never had. Except I do have a little sister but I didn't get to go to high school with Puffy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA. I freaking love you. One more year and you can officially date. Enjoy 15, it's a fun one.



(My computer was broken on Shazz and Louie's birthday so it's a few days late. But luckily it's working just in time for Bellas.)

hope for a badman

The world is a much bigger place than we ever imagine. It's actually quite ridiculous how much time I  spent worrying about what the football player ever thought about me. It's quite ridiculous I spent two and a half years getting over Jake Knell. Just one freaking boy in the whole wide world. It's quite ridiculous I ever gave a damn about what one person at Timpview High School ever thought about me. Honestly, the life I lived in high school was quite ridiculous. I was so consumed in who was dating who, where everyone was going, what my big plans were for Friday night. 

It's amazing to me how living on my own for a week has changed my perspective on everything. Because at the end of the day, my life is freaking MINE. Not anyone else's. And I have a heck of a lot to learn, I am far from the person I want to be. I have dreams of my own and I am letting NO ONE stop me from making them come true. 

Go ahead, judge me. Go ahead, tell me what I am doing is not right for me. I honestly could not care less what anyone in this world thinks about me. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and who I am choosing to be. Sure, I've got a lot of flaws. I work every day on them. Wanna know something funny? I'm very aware of my flaws and I will work on them one at a time. No need to remind me that I am not perfect. 

My dreams are above Timpview High School. My dreams are above Provo, UT. So instead of focusing on all of you people who tell me I can't, I'm going to concentrate on the countless people telling me that my dreams are real.  Just you watch. That's why over the last few months I have discovered my life motto.  

"Life is to short to be anything but happy"

in my new apartment

The first thing in my shopping cart today was a 20-pack of diet coke. Ironically, I won this hat on my way out of the grocery store.

Welcome to the 408. Home sweet home.

Check out a new blog here. 

your faith was strong

Aren't we 16 and heartbroken? Since when were we grown up and responsible? I can't believe this day is here. We've only talked about it a gazillion times.  He's been one of my best friends and he's been the best example to me. He honestly makes me laugh when I'm crying, He reminds me I am never alone. My heart holds a special place for this guy. Peru is lucky to have him.

"Go ye now in peace and know that the love of God will guide you, feel his presence here besides you, showing you the way. In your times of trouble, when hurt and despair are there to grieve you, know that the Lord will never leave you. He will bring your courage. Know that the God who sent his son to die that you might live, will never leave you lost and alone in his beloved world. Go ye now in peace."

I love you Elder Wheatley. Thanks for everything. And like you said, it's only two years right? 

with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

I remember when we broke up the first time
Seeing this is, and had enough, it's like
We haven't seen each other in a month
When you, said you, needed space, what?
When you come around again and say
Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change
Trust me, remember how that lasted for a day
I say, I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you

We called it off again last night
This time I'm telling you, I'm telling you
We are never ever ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk and my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me, falling for a screaming that I'm right
And you, will hide away and find your piece of mine with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

I used to think, that we, were forever ever
And I used to say never say never
Huh, he calls me up and he's like, I still love you
And I'm like, I mean, I mean this is exhausting, you know
We are never getting back together, like ever

We are never ever ever ever getting back together.

(It's a little bit too much pop for my T. Swift but seriously? Love) 

all packed up and getting out of here

Two and a half years ago, I promised myself this would never be my home.
I hated every bit of my life, bitter and angry, I told myself I'd never accept this place.
I was embarrassed about the move, I was ashamed of my parents, I was upset.
8 months of construction followed. 
The worst 8 months of my life.
Our whole main floor was being torn about with my mom's own two hands.
7 of us were crammed in 3 rooms, no kitchen, hardly any money to our name.
I felt alone and bitter. This place could never be my home.
It was hell.

I look around at my half packed room, clothes all over the floor.
I still don't have carpet installed and I haven't had closet doors since we moved in.
My walls are painted half blue and the air conditioning doesn't function properly.
The toilet in my bathroom is still hideous pink and the boys still haven't learned how to flush it.
I laugh each time I remember we still don't have a railing and we have a broken baby gate so Maddox doesn't fall down the stairs when he sleep walks.

This place is far from perfect but it is everything my home is.

Home is coming home from a long day of school and activites and having Puffy greet me with a hug.
Home is the countless hours I've spent listening to music while doing the dishes.
Home is a skate ramp in my garage because that's just the way my dad is.
Home is stickers on my door and writing that says "Maddox" all over it.
Home is the annoyance that my TV always has to be on during family dinner.
Home is rushing to get the perfect Sunset photo at 7:45.
Home is loud. Crazy loud. One million little people, big people, all over the place, going and going.
Home is the leftover Little Caesars boxes and Wills Pit Stop Cups all over the place.

I've been so excited for freedom.
No more doing dishes for 8 million, or arguing with my parents.
No more little kids yelling at me or watching dumb tv shows or babysitting.
Freedom. I get to do what I want when I want.

Nothing breaks my heart more than saying goodbye to home.
I can't imagine what it is going to be like to not see punk Maddox every day or Walker saying something ridiculous like "I'm not sitting down, I'm kneeing" No, not kneeling, kneeing.
And don't get me started on Puffy.
She's my little best friend. I love her more than anything I can explain.
Little Puffers has been through a lot for an 8 year old and I just see this amazing human being she is going to grow up into.
I love the way she youtubes Primary songs and asks me to read the scriptures to her.
She has the most special spirit I've ever seen in a person.
Truth of the matter is, these kids have been my best friends for almost ten years.
These kids are my home.
They are my everything.
And it breaks my heart to know I won't be around as much.
I'm going to miss their daily innocent laughs and the silly things they say.

I'm saying goodbye to home so I can make my dreams into reality and grow up. It's time. I'm ready. Four days from now I'll be out. I'll be free. It's all I've ever wanted.

"Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true, well isn't it?"

If that's the case, why am I bawling my eyes out? 

blue skies are calling

"Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar."

(this scene breaks my heart on so many levels) 

i'm a sorry sucker

I just did something slightly disgraceful. 

I just applied for 6 jobs at Vivint.  

Looks like I will be working there during the school year.

swaggy

If you asked me what I did this summer I'd say, "Look homeless, go to work, eat Cheetos and hang out with McKann." 

I'd also tell you I've enjoyed every moment of it.

what's there to complain about?

I gazed at her hair, longer than mine, I wanted it.
Two days later, it was gone all of it.

One week earlier, she was at the beach with her three kids.
She lived a normal life.
Taking her kids to dance practice, and teaching them how to read. 

She seized, went to the doctor, they found a golf ball sized tumor in her brain. 
Surgery went, along with the luscious locks I desired days earlier. 
Just devastating.

Three weeks later we had our annual family reunion.
Was she going to be there?
Would she go out in public?
Everyone wondered.

But up she came with her three little kids.
Her scarves and hats came too.
She wasn't ashamed of who she was.
She wasn't defined by her looks.
And she sure as hell wasn't defeated.

This is my aunt.
She survived cancer.
Twice.
Two different places in her little human body. 
Thyroid and brain.
She's been through enough.

And you know what she said to me after all this?

"Own your situation because it is what it is."

a good good life

 There are no words, life is just wonderful. I am very blessed. 

My cousin Maggie had a Hunger Games Party.

OLYMPICS.

hahahahah McKann sends me jokes.  I joke back.

Uncle John, Jensen, Mayson and Grandpa Jim. <3

Jacey Rose.

Ginormica bounce house slide+water+soap=epic.

SALTWATERS. Favorite purchase.

It's decided.

BEST COOKIE EVER.

Only at Vivint.

Taste of the Valley.

McKann and I did not behave at church very well.

 There are no words, life is just wonderful. I am very blessed.

when we first met

"So I really hope that at the end of the month I get unlimited or at least texting to Verizon free! But unlimited would be nice!"

-Lauren Faber, 6/17/2007

Nothing makes me happier than knowing she's been my best friend longer than she has had unlimited texting. 

i plan on sleeping in

I lost track of how many times I've said, "I feel homeless" today.

like a flame that burns a candle

Mayson: (in reaction to the photo)  Violation of the word of wisdom is hot. And that's because Satan sucks and has to make it hot in a photograph like that. 

 Iszy:  Satan's the worst. Oh well they already told us we can't be perfect. Might as well toss around a couple of comments about the beauty of this man while we're still young. It's not really sinning per say.

Moral of the story, smoking kills people, don't do it. but if you chose to, at least be an attractive man.

in another life

So I kind of love her.

the girl in the dress wrote you a song

 

Because I have been obsessed with this song since February and it still isn't old. 

i grow fonder everyday

We don't sleep anymore. My body and brain have decided staying up all night is much more fun than sleeping. We think about moving out and college and working and money and boys and tv shows and church and life. We enjoy our thoughts. After all, these are exciting thoughts. Our favorite thought is that all of these things don't worry us anymore like they used to. We're just ecstatic and counting down the days. Not gonna lie, summer needs to end now.

I'm fed up with goodbyes, I'm just ready for hello.

i feel it close around me

Stadium of Fire

World Of Color

After watching fireworks again tonight with family+ Andy, I remembered that heaven just isn't something we can comprehend. God gives us these moments where we can experience heaven at a glance.

I simply cannot imagine it.

just like raindrops

I love driving in the rain, it is beautiful.

Until your car floods.

And you leave your window open.

 

Oh and PS.  I got a housing scholarship today!  I have a place to live! 

(I really am happy about the rain. I did get a good chuckle out of it thought)

born on the fourth of july

About once a week, she asks me if I have a friend named Josh, I usually say no. One time, I was taking her to cheerleading and Josh Burr was walking out and greeted him and she was like "YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND NAMED JOSH YOU LIAR!!!" It was pretty great.  

Yesterday she asked if I could marry Mike Witham so she could be sisters with all of Mike's millions of sisters. How do you say no to that?! (Plus, it's MIKE WITHAM!) 

On Sundays she usually gives me my favorite treat, Reese's Stix, because her primary teachers always give her one and she knows I love them. 

She helps me with the dishes and gives me the biggest hugs. Oh and she still thinks our huge 4th of July party is for her. And I am jealous that she is prettier than me and she is 7. Pretty soon,  I will understand Jensen's pain of having a little sister that is better than me. :) (hahahahaha just kidding, Jensen is the best)

It's a day early, but oh well. Happy Birthday Puffs! I absolutely love you will all of my heart. I'll always be your best friend, no matter what you do or say. You're gonna go far in life and I'm proud of you. You're a strong little spirit and our family couldn't be luckier to have you. I'm so proud of your decision to become baptized and I love to watch your little testimony grow. Don't let a boy break your heart, they aren't worth it, never lose your sense of wonder. Be amazed with the world. It has a lot to offer.  Find beauty in the small and simple things. I love you. Be careful.

Happy Birthday Puffy!

sing it out loud

I have invented something magical.

It begins, fog on the stage and the lovely sounds of "Sun Hands" begins. Local Natives are on stage bursting the melodies of my favorites, "Airplanes" "Who Knows, Who Cares?" "World News" "Wide Eyes" and "Camera Talk"

After the Local Native lovin', the stage clears and a beam of light ascends to the middle of the stage, Ingrid Michaelson charms us with "Are We There Yet?" "The Chain" and "So Long"

The audience is ready for a pump up jam. Taylor Swift  impresses the crowd with "You Belong with Me" (Because who doesn't want to jam out to that?) "Fearless (just because it's amazing) and a few other hit tunes of my choice at the time. Currently, I'd say "Better Than Revenge" or "Dear John" but that's just because I've been listening to the Speak Now album nonstop. Of course there's always "Ours" her newest cutest hit. We'll cross the bridge of which Taylor songs we get to jam out with in a bit.

Next, come, Mumford and Sons come out and perform not only their whole album of "Sign No More" Everyone knows their whole album is just too good to pick a select few. They'd also do a few covers of my favorites, like "Wagon Wheel" (check that song out, too good) and "Love Vigilantes" (Iron and Wine anyone?)

Obviously, Ingrid Michaelson would join Mumford on stage for a duo of my favorite song of all time (okay one of them) the famous"Landslide." Also, they'd do an amazing cover of "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Back from the dead of course would be Michael Jackson, obviously. He'd wow the crowd with dancing, Billie Jean, Man in the Mirror, Black or White, The Way You Make Me Feel and what nots. He's like Taylor, it will depend on my mood.

We'd probably just listen to "Call Me Maybe" but not live because that would ruin it.

Coldplay would come, because they are Coldplay. Duh.

Goyte would come sing "Somebody I Used to Know" and probably do a killer cover of "Hallelujah" (only one of the best songs ever written ever.)

And the show would end with my boy James Taylor. We'd sing along to Sweet Baby James, How Sweet It Is, Carolina in my Mind and obviously Fire and Rain.

It'd be a five hour long concert, probably, and in my magical world you wouldn't get tired, hungry or lose your voice. Everyone would be happy and no one would be drunk.

 I might have just created heaven. Just saying.

how bittersweet this would taste

I turned the page and wrote, I broke the rule.

He sat up in bed. I don't know how much time passed.

He wrote, Everything will be OK.

I told him OK wasn't enough.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I told him there was nothing left for a lie to protect.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I started to cry. 

It was the first time I had ever cried in front of him. It felt like making love. 

I asked him something I had needed to know since we made that first nothing place years before.

What are we? Something or nothing?

When  I said goodbye to him, before he left for the airport, I lifted his suitcase and it felt heavy.

That's how I knew he was leaving me.

I wondered if I should stop him. If I should wrestle him to the ground and force him to love me. I wanted to hold his shoulders down and shout into his face. 

"Promise me you'll take care. Promise me you'll take extra good care. I know you look both ways before you cross the street but I want you to look both ways a second time because I told you."  

all it does is slow me down

I'm secretly a hoarder. I'm the type of person who keeps every note every soul has taken their time to write me,  I have clothes from freshman year hanging in my closet, every program from every play I have gone to since I was 15, I keep everything.

Fortunately, moving causes me to desensitize myself from my past lives. As part of preparing for my new adventure,  I've been dejunking my closet,  DI-ing clothes, trashing pointless notes...letting go of my past. It's quite relieving.

"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor yearn vainly for yesterdays, no matter how good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from, not be lived in" 

-Jeffrey R. Holland

So instead of packing up old artifacts, I'll box up the lessons I've learned and tow those around. I find it funny that the closer growing up gets, the scarier it is. But it's a thrill I'm ready to face. I'm excited for what the future has in store.

you put on quite a show

I remember when I was a kid, there were 40-50 first place ribbons hanging on my wall.  None of them belonged to me. They were all my sister's. I had probably 6 ribbons. They were all participation.

Looking at all those ribbons and thinking how stupid she was for liking her ninth place ribbon the best. It was black and it was beautiful but was ninth. She had an abundance of blue, red and white ribbons.

I remember when she started dancing. Everyone knew she was just copying our aunt, Tristan. I thought that was stupid too. I will never know why, but I was so jealous when my mom made her that green/black ballroom dress. She always had her dance friends over and they always made me laugh. Then she got really good, and I just wondered why I didn't have any passions or talents like her.

She won medals and trophies,  all I got a letter grade on a piece of paper. It didn't make sense.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes as I lay in bed at night, I feel so overwhelmed. She left big shoes to fill. She went to college, did full on student government, went to hair school, worked at Old Navy, and somehow managed to still be my best friend.

When I didn't get the scholarship she got, I was upset. I was supposed to be "the leader," and she took that too I was on student government twice! And I was the yearbook editor-n-chief! I was the Laurel's, Miamaid AND Beehives president. Not gonna lie, I thought I had leadership down. I left that interview feeling confident as ever. After getting shot down, I was reminded of my days of gazing at all those colorful ribbons on the wall.

She always tells me I am prettier and have better hair. She was never surprised when I got asked to, as she put it,  another dance. She gladly came and made me beautiful for all of those. She is surely jealous of my amazing singing talent. About once ever few weeks,  I send her a video of me singing "Take A Bow" by Rhianna. It's pretty fantastic.

Sisters get jealous. It's human nature. They fight. They steal each others clothes without asking-- no matter how many times the other person says they must ask before taking their clothes. And they bring each other up when the going gets rough. And if you have my sister, they buy you an owl ring or earring for you to wear for each of your school dances that you never wear and buy the gift for Mother's Day and say it's from all of the kids. She gave me $24 dollars exactly for graduation because I graduated on the 24th. She cuts my hair and buys me tacos.

She's my best friend. Sure she screws up sometimes and embarrasses me in front of boys. We're two completely different people but because we're sisters, it just works so perfectly. She's just like my mom. And our family is still trying to figure out where I am from.

I pray that I set as good of an example little Puffs as Sensen has to me.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I love her.

in over my head

There are 168 hours in a week.

I spend 32 of them at Vivint, 56 of them sleeping,  and 3 hours at church on Sundays.

That leaves me with roughly 77 hours.

I'm pretty sure, I have spend each of those hours watching "The Office" or laying on my bed.

Oh the life of a sick girl in the summertime.

Pathetic. 

your new addiction

All day, e'rr day. So good.

believe in something else

Time to time, it hits me. 

So long to you. 

all things go

Growing up means working full time, paying bills, going to college to gain an education, getting married, taking care of children, doing the dishes and the laundry, planting gardens, cooking meals, cleaning cleaning and more cleaning, and having to be responsible. 

That's it. I'm packing my bags and moving to Neverland. Who's coming?

i found god

I think even the coldest of hearts, the richest of men, the proud and noble--everyone-- has had a moment where they need to believe in something bigger than themselves. I believe, we all have our times where we need a God to lift our burdens and remove our struggles. I wouldn't doubt that all men, at some point, call out to a being above to aid them in one way or another. Everyone needs God. 

I have always been a religious person. For as long as I remember, I've been an active member of my church. I have been taught to pray and read my scriptures, to not judge others, to forgive, and love one another. I know to trust in the Lord, and have faith in him. I've been fortunate enough to know of God and develop a personal belief that He is. 

Like everyone, I have moments when the world gets in the way. I become too tired to actively seek God through prayers and scripture study. Often, I justify gossip and struggle to forgive one who has crossed me. I fight with my loved ones, I envy those better than me. Although I have been taught correct principles and morals, I'm only a human being trying to make it in this cold, dark world. 

But no matter how far I seem to get from home, I'm always drawn back to Him. I have moments where I need God. It seems to be in the darkest of night, and the coldest of the hours, where He has come to me and offered his loving arms and warmest embrace.

 I haven't had the hardest life. I've definitely had my struggles, but overall it's been good. I've always had a place to call home, food to eat, no one close to me has ever died. I never struggled in school. Making friends has been relatively easy and I rarely struggled with fitting in. Despite these things, instances have come where I have needed Him. 

Sometimes, I need God because I lose focus on a test in school. Countless times, he's been there for me. I need Him when I have to face fears of a scary roller coaster, or when a driver is rough around the edges. I'm pretty sure when I first started driving, I prayed for God each time I got into a vehicle. I have needed God the most in my restless hours of the night. Those nights when my stomach is aching or head is pounding, when I coughing never ceases or my throat is swollen. It seems to me that I need God the most when I am sick.

I'm grateful for those moments when God reminds us that we need something bigger than  ourselves and that we just can't make it on our own. The best part is, we don't have to.

everybody talks too much

my exact feelings right now

I spent 8 hours on the phone today and somehow managed to talk to Taylor on the phone for another hour and half. (talking to Tay was much better than taking calls at work)

I concluded that I'm a pretty good at talking. 

grow a foot or two

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not growing up.  

But today, my best friend since the 7th grade got his mission call.

Arcadia, California, Mandarin Speaking

 The people of California are the luckiest people around.

all the small things

I walk into my first day of work and saw one of my old friends, Tyler Hill. We talked and found out that we are working in the same department, same shifts, same everything. Later that day, we find out that we are the only two with our 4-10 shift. What are the odds that the one person I knew had the exact same schedule and position as I did?

On Saturday, I planned to go to UVU to open up my UCCU account. I never got around to it, so I decided that after work, I was going to open up my account. In orientation, they told us that if we opened a new UCCU account, because we are Vivint employees, we get $30. I mean, honestly, who doesn't want free $30? I sure was happy that I didn't go on Saturday.

The other day,  Isabella and I went to Sammy's for shakes. Not sure of the reason, the guy gave me $1 off my shake. He just said he wanted to.


While in Office Maxx purchasing ink for my mom, I decided to get a sharpie. After all, they are my favorite. The guy felt generous and gave me 20% off my purchase "just because" so I got another sharpie.

Whether it's a sharpie, or an old friend, or some extra cash, I just love the little coincidences of life. Sometimes they're a pain or embarrassing, but even those turn out to be funny as well. 

Today was just great.

summer lovin

WELCOME TO SUMMER.