one day to a new beginning

Mady and I in a cave. Oh geology.

we love dinosaurs

Joseph. I love Joseph.

Provo Beach Resort. Karaoke baby.

Clouds at 6AM from the Y.

No sleep+singing Joseph+awesome outfit=this picture

Oh Paigey.

Les Mis. White legs. Short. That's me.

Title fitting much? Les Mis+One more day in Provo?! Today I went shopping. I got all sorts of things for my adventures. I got a handful of things. I still need a handful more. I still can't believe tomorrow is my last day in Utah for 2 months. I really am so excited. Nerves have been accompanying my excitement--but really I can't wait. Oh goodness, real cities. I get to go to real cities. Yesterday I was in SLC for Les Mis. (Yes I went on a Sunday-- JUDGE ME!) It made me so exited to walk the streets of DC. Goodness me, I am excited. Les Mis was among the best plays I have even seen. I loved it. Words can't describe how much I loved it. Wicked stil stays dearest in my heart but how can you not love Fantine belting "I Dreamed a Dream" or little Gavroche or the poor love story of Marius, Cossette and Eponine (really just poor for Eponine) or one of the greatest acts of redemption and love of Jean Valjean?   All of it was just beautiful. Hands down beautiful. I loved it. Dearly.

Ps. Random pictues were just for fun.

ticking on and on

4 days. It is insane. It is sort of this unreal thing that is happening to me. 4 days. I have been enjoying Utah the best I can.

Hanging out with some old friends. Let me restate that-- playing ALL day, staying up ALL night, doing some crazy adventures (ie. dumpster diving, park playing, hiking the Y... might I add all in the hours of the night)  Utah, you have treated me well these last few days.

Maybe it is because everyone loved the yearbook, and overall-- that is just an accomplishing feeling any way. Maybe it's because by some odd miracle my grade in sweety's class went up and I am satisfied with my grades. Maybe its because a billion people have been throwing parties and each of them have been pretty decent. I don't know. All I know is that Utah, you have been treating me well.

I am truly grateful for the people who have helped me in my life. They helped me become the person I am. As I venture out on a new journey this summer, I know I could never have done it without some of you. So thanks.

I really loved the graduation quote-- Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.-- Change is coming my way. I am the change that I seek. So everyone, be the change. It's a perfect time to reevaluate yourself and ask if you are happy with who you are. 

Utah, you really have treated me well. Not only the last couple of days, the last 17 years. You have shaped me into the person I am today. Maryland, be nice. I am only a sheltered little Mormon girl trying something new. Don't be too hard on me. I am begging.

love is out there somewhere.

So I was helping Lauren look up quotes for graduation, and I got bored of reading so I clicked "Images" at the top and found this...

And for a moment, I missed being loved.

godspeed, sweet dreams.

take my hand, hold it tight.

Stay safe out there, be careful.

The world is a scary place. It will beat you down and tear you apart. It will haunt you, and tease you. Darling, you are better then the world. Don't let it rip you to shreds. Stand a little taller, be a little better. 

Make good choices, remember who you are.

You weren't sent here to be destroyed. Get up! So what you made a few mistakes, you are still a child of God. Don't let anyone tell you that you are less than what you are. Make choices that bring you closer to the Lord above. Stray from choices you know are wrong. There is one path to happiness, do whatever it takes to find it. Once you do, you will be freed. 

Play nice, and eat your vegetables.

Remember that those around you are precious too. Treat them they way you would want to be treated. Once you discover how wonderful those around you are, you will find joy. Treat your body with respect. Feast upon the things which are righteous. Respect your body, and others. A body is a gift your Father in Heaven has given to you. Satan seeks to ruin your body, he is envious that you were able to receive the gift and he wasn't. Stay away from the harms he will throw at you.

Sleep well, and remember that I love you.

Darling, you don't understand how much you mean to me. You are my happiness and my joy. You are my sunshine on a cloudy day. No matter the circumstance, I love you. When I hold you, I have the world in my arms. Never forget-- I love you.

did we live it right?

If you had one day to live, what would you do? 

Well-- in all honesty? What would you do? 

I would say the words I was always scared to say. I would tell people how I really feel. I would write letters-- lots of letters. Letters to all sorts of people. People who helped me, people who I hurt, begging and pleading for forgiveness, people who I love. I would pray. Oh how I would pray! I would write in my journal one last time. I would take pictures. I would look at the mountain-- the way my brother did before he left. Knowing, that it was the last I would look at them in this mortal state. I would gather with my family and friends. I would cry. I wouldn't want to be leaving them.

In all honesty, what would you do?

Well-- see what I am trying to say here-- you never know. One road leads to another, but at some point that road will end. Who is on your road? Have you told them lately you love them? Do you say the words you need to? Do you live the way you should? Are you grateful for what God has given you? Are you being the best you can? 

Pause. Breathe. Stop. 

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway    

 If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. 

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway. 

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway. 

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

 In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway."

-Mother Teresa

when push comes to shove--

To whoever the heck thought it was a great idea to THUMBS DOWN Conrad Smith, or whatever the heck you had against my previous post, I would like to know-- WHY? Ok, 4 people thumb's down to Conrad? What the heck? Go away. 

Ok, I was just a little bit sad when I saw that. I don't understand why. Honestly, it kinda hurts my heart a little. As in a little, I mean a lot. I can take criticism. Easy. But against my little freshman friend, I just can't. That was sad. 

Mr. Monks makes fun of the way I walk. It's kinda funny. I just want to walk normal again. That would be splendid.

I went on a geology field trip today. We went to Rock Canyon, and the Waterfall and the Dinosaur Museum. I had a delicious sandwich, with sourdough bread. Oh and I had a shake from JCW's. Quite the adventure! 

Then I auditioned for musical theater. I also had a XC meeting. Ok XC will NOT come fast enough. I LOVE IT. 

I attempted to go to the temple with Shannon today. The wait was 2 hours, we didn't quite have that time. So I didn't. :( Boo. Luckily I can go tomorrow or Friday. Hooray! 

Kings Speech-- sooo good. Honestly, I went and saw it today! (Because some genius made it PG-13) I loved it. It was good. 

I wonder when my knee is going to be better. Please soon.

Anyway, this post was about nothing. Unless someone wants to explain my 4 thumbs down to my friend Conrad. 

The End. 

we love you conrad, oh yes we do.

You know the boy in the picture-- the one on the left side of your screen?

That's Conrad Smith.

I met Conrad at XC-- or was it drama? Either way, we have a year full of wonderful memories together.  Conrad really is one of the best people I know. I just love being around him. He is my little freshman buddy. I am glad we have become such good friends this year.

Sometimes in Drama, when we are supposed to be acting and practicing our Kate and Petruccio scene for Taming of the Shrew Final, we just goof around. Yeah-- we got nothing done. Except had a good laugh. We laughed at each of our ideas. We wanted to sing the parts-- Brower wouldn't let us. We wanted to act out each word-- Brower wouldn't let us. We wanted to start fighting with light sabers-- we just assumed that Brower wouldn't let us. So instead of blocking out our very last fight scene, we have decided to do it improv. I am pretty much positive Mr. Brower has told us NOT to improv fight scenes. We have our ideas. We just don't know the order. I can just follow Conrad's lead. Right? Either way-- it was a great day in Drama. It makes me excited for another year. (and hopefully not just in Drama 2 but in Musical Theater as well.... yeah-- I am trying out for Musical Theater. hahaha)

Conrad is one of the sweetest kids I know. He is always saying hi to me in the halls, and talking to me. He is just so sweet. Even when he forces me to meet some kid--sooo embarrassing might I add-- so I look like a giddy school girl nervous to meet a sophomore, I still love him. Yeah that's right. 

I love you, Conrad Smith.

far and wide, his love proclaim

Today, I had the opportunity of going to Russell Doria's farewell talk. The choir sang, "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go". I thought a lot about Russell's decision to serve the Lord for 2 years. But I also thought about my choice to leave for Maryland. I am sure you are all sick of hearing about it, but I know, that for some reason, I am going.  I just have to search for what it is.

Russell shared this amazing story, that I would like to share with each of you. (I am going to change it, so it applies to me, the "I" is me. haha)


"In the premortal existence, I had a friend. To make it personal, I am going to chose the name Mary. Mary and I did everything together. We would dance, go running, swim, watch movies, talked. I mean, everything. Mary and I were best of friends. It then came the day that I got my call to earth. It read, 'Sister Astle, you have been called to serve in the Provo, Utah Mission. You will have the opportunity of being raised in the gospel, with a family who serves and loves the gospel. You will make friends along the way who will help you grow and love the gospel even more. The gospel will be your daily anchor as you strive to live far from the world. ' I read my call, and was excited. I knew that Provo was going to be a very great place for me to live. I wanted to tell my best friend Mary. I looked for her every where. She wasn't at the movie theater, or the mall. She was no where to be found. But I saw a tree, and I found Mary laying under it sobbing. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she got her call, and that she was going to be living in Maryland, with no source of the truth, far away from the gospel principles. She then told me, that I needed to find her, and that she would be looking for me."

Although, my purpose to go to Maryland is not to proselyte and teach everyone of the gospel. But I felt so strongly, that there is a purpose. Maybe I will just be an example to the kids I work with. Maybe I will be able to invite a friend to church. And maybe, just maybe, someone is praying for a miracle to come into their lives. Maybe Mary is looking for the truth. My brother has spent almost the last 2 years serving the people of Maryland-- It's my turn now. Maybe I won't see anyone "get dunked" (as my cute missionary brother says) but you never know the lasting impression you can make on someone's life.

So I challenge you today, to think about the call you got in heaven. Think about where you stand. Maybe someone got called to the Provo Utah Mission-- but they didn't have the opportunity to be a member. Maybe their challenges are those around them--forcing religion on them. Be a friend to all. Be an example. Be your best self. For you never know who is watching. It could be anyone.  One last thought--

"Someone is watching, and that's a fact.

Someone will copy the way you act.

So make this your motto and put it to use--

Be someone's example and not their excuse"

you're a part time lover, and a full time friend

"The more I'm around you the more I realize, we'd be imperfect together - but that would create perfection." 

  --Thank you Emma for putting the words in my mouth that I have been trying to express. 

We don't make sense. We don't have similar interests. We don't have similar friends. We don't even agree on a lot of things-- but somehow, it fits perfectly. 

Maybe it's because we can just talk for hours-- about everything and anything. Past, present, future, serious, funny, you name it. Maybe it's because we accept each other for who we are. When your sister asked me why I am friends with you, I really started thinking. Why AM I friends with you? You do the strangest things around me. You know that "noise" you make that I hate? I find myself doing that all the time now. You know that one time when we sat in your basement and you ate the tissue? You know that one time when I told you my "problem" that potentially could have been the most awkward conversation with anyone?  When you steal my phone and play Life and restart until you get the Dr. or when you let me win Wii Golf? Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get how it works so well between us. 

On paper, we make no sense. But in reality, we are perfect. I am glad we are friends. I intend to keep it that way. THAT WAY. Nothing more, nothing less. Like I told you the other day, I like having you as a friend. The bunny rabbit needs you. Dondra needs you. But not in a stupid, high school way like I thought I did, once upon a time. Friendship is the best thing for me right now. I absolutely love it. Don't listen to what people say, I enjoy being your friend. Remember how good we are at being friends? Yeah-- so do I. 

So just so everyone is aware-- friends. That's what we are. JUST FRIENDS. And, with all my heart and soul, I want to keep it that way.

oh. skip. to. the. ending.

Have you ever wondered. . .

where your life is going? 

why there are certain people in your life?

when those people will fade-- or will they?

why somethings work out-- and others don't? 

who you are going to marry?

who they are-- personality, where they are from, family life ETC.?

what your future spouse is doing right now?

what they are doing to become the person you are going to marry?

what your family is going to be like?

who your kids are-- how many of them, their names, their personalities?

who you will become? 

Have you ever wondered these things? Somehow, I already love my husband. I don't know who he is going to be.  I hope he is out there somewhere becoming the man who will be perfect for me. Somehow, I already love my kids. Each of them. 1-1000, I love them all, however many I might have. Families are eternal. Marriage, having kids, families-- they are all scary thoughts at times. But you know what? Nothing else will make me happier than to grow up and marry a man that might be crazy enough to love me forever.

Someone just tell me who he is.

we are running this town.

13.1 miles later--

You are all invited to my funeral. 

Note to self: Don't run a half marathon, where you don't train and decide the day before that you are going to do it. You knee will stop working at mile 10.

But hey, I still finished :)

#6 Completed. Who would have thought?

you are my sweetest downfall

Want to know what makes me happier than anything? 

A new pair of converse. 

Photo Credit

Converse aren't like boys. They don't let you down. They don't get over you and get a new owner. You have complete control over them. They understand you, they are the miles you walk. They are your shoes. They understand your problems. They don't suck. In every way, they aren't like boys. Boys are only good at breaking your heart, giving you hope and leaving you in the mud. Converse on the other hand, will not leave you in the mud. They are the good friends who go in the mud so you don't have to. Then you are sad because your perfect pair of Converse are now "ruined'. Every pair has a moment where they go from being "perfect" to being "shoes that are new" to being "converse" to being "old" to being "really old and they are struggling with holes and you really should buy a new pair". I have a pair of each of these. I remember the moments where they went from perfect to being shoes that are new. It was a tragic moment. Made me sad. Makes me more sad that I have more emotional attachments to a pair of shoes over any person. But who is dependable? Exactly. Not you. Not anyway. 

(Ok, hyperbole much, but still-- I am a little bit excited about my new addition to my collection-- WELCOME ORANGE) 

"All I know is that you are so nice, you are the nicest thing I have seen" . . . No. Not the converse.

I keep on falling...

In the words of Simple Plan...

You don't mean anything to me.

Someday, I will believe that.

April Quotes and Then Some. . .

I miss the feeling of being in the shoot after a race. I remember clear as day the Murray race- standing there, asking the girl behind me the time she got because my eyes didn't believe that I PRed by 4 minutes. Or the feeling after crossing the finish line of a half marathon. 13.1 miles behind you, 2 hours later.. I miss the feeling of accomplishment. I miss the feeling of running. That's just a side note. This is basically a post for my April Quotes. (Yes Dania, I copied you. Well actually, you started it in my phone anyway)

Dania: "They're just gonna come off anyway!"

Bridal Magazine (tux add): "He puts it on, you take it off."

Phineas and Ferb It's important to look your very best when you are doing your very worst"

Amanda (on the song Teenage Dream): It's not a teenage dream, its a teenage nightmare! Then you have to go through the repentance process"

Mayson: It wouldn't be a first!
McKann: Oh but it would be a second!

McKann: I just requested "Firework" by Katy Perry

Sarah: Bye KC! I hate you!

Jeane (Sarah's mom asking about a dress Sarah wanted): Where are you gonna wear it?
Sarah: EVERYWHERE!!

Ashley (with every little thing Sarah wanted): But mom, she needs it! IT'S PROM!!!

Bryson: Oh hey ocifer

Travis: (singing, might I add awfully) and I didn't make acapella. . .

(Travis asked who sings "Such Great Heights") Bryson: The Postal Service, you know the mail man, NOT HIM!

(talking about getting caught trespassing again) Bryson: Yeah we already got one trespassing, we learned our lesson!

( I turned on a song) Walker: Ew.. turn that off! We don't know that song.

Lydia: So I found myself Facebook stalking myself today

Brother Dykstra: You can't just walk around like a monk!

Brandon: Rosa, would you like a ride to the bus stop?

Lauren: They will probably have lasagna in a dish!

Lauren: Could a teacher get fired if they were pregnant and not married?
Caroline: If it were with a student, yeah!

Mayson: You skank!
Sarah: Tell me something I don't know

(pretending to be kissing someone) Sarah: Look at me! I'm a skankopotomus!

Mayson: Now give me a hug and tell me you love me!

Question at Prom game: When was the last time you received paper mail?
Me: Oh I was thinking like a boy male!

Chase's sister (Grace?): There are black ones and there are white ones. Do you know which ones are which? Don't get the black confused with purple, or orange. 
Jake and Me: Wait! I am confused. . .Which ones are black? Which ones are white?

(takes of picture of himself) Travis: There we go!

Jensen: FLOSS!!  (She really said false and my aunt thought she was just telling her to go floss her teeth)

Mrs. Benson: Enjoy your short classes!!

Shannon: Excuse me while I go salivate.

Brother Dkystra: It's like the sand in the ocean, except it's cows

(It says 'union' on Mrs. Van Orden's board) Jake: Mrs. Van Orden spelled onion wrong. . .

Jeane: Goodbye my righteous children!