Monday, November 22, 2010

...every time I look in the mirror, the past is gone...

According to Google a friend is a "person you know well and regard with affection and trust"

I have had a lot of friends in my life. Some come and go. Hardly anyone is there still. (Now that I think of it I know no one who has been around forever accept maybe my sister Jensen, she is my best friend) It is hard to stay friends with people. Circumstances change. Places change. Things change. People change.We change. Sometimes we can't accept the change. We can't. We simply can't. I look at a long list of people in my life I cannot accept the change. It breaks my heart that this many people have faded from my life. Some left in an instant. Some slowly drifted.

But I love the people who we can instantly reunite and it seems that we are the best of the best although I haven't seen them in months.

I hate the people who just are different. No I don't hate THEM, I hate that they are different. I see (some of) them a lot. Sometimes twice a day, and I am nothing to them. It is as if our friendship never existed. How could I not exist to you after everything we went through?

My heart aches for those people. My heart aches because of these people.

I love the friend that I go up to and I say "I have a note from you!" and she says the exact same thing. Thank you notes from seminary. We think of each other.

I hate the people who simply don't care anymore. Ouch, how could that be?

"You got to lose to know how to win" I wish I understood why. Well I do, but reality still hurts.

Nothing will change between any of us, unfortunately.

And I will continue to cry because of that.

(PS. I LOOOVE that we ever took a picture together. Not sure why! You meant EVERYTHING TO ME at one point. Someday I will take a picture with you so we can have one so when I point to the pictures to my children when I am old and say "That's him")


  1. Mayson, I love that we both hate boys. :) well, certain boys.

    I honestly can't say which is worse, having to see "him" everyday, or never having to see "him" but have everyone ask how he's doing. They're both such painful situations.

    p.s. I loved our pie party.

  2. both suck. I agree. I honestly could not tell you. :( I love you, did you know that? You are such a good friend of mine and I am happy for that.

    p.s. our pie party was fun