oh the days go by so fast

January Highlights

• Field Trip to SLC
• Hanging with the gang. (KC, Trent, Christian, Sarah, and myself) 
• I wanna say Junior Jazz games (That might have been February?) 
• Basketball games

February Highlights

• More hanging out with the gang 
• bought my first iPhone for Valentines day
• Valentines dance with Trenty 

March Highlights

• Apparently the Color Fest.
• Apparently that's it.

April Highlights

• Getting citations at the Hot Pots with Stuart, Travis, Sarah, Connor and Bryson
• Spring Break with Travis James Tylerand Sarah Louie Thayne
• Karaoke with Nicky Boy Gledhill and the beach resort with wardies 
• Morp with Stuart
• Prom with Jake

May Highlights

• Spontaneous half marathon with Dania
• Les Mis with Nielsen crew and Shazz Matazz Faber
• Field trip with the Madsters 
• All nighter with my girls (hiking the y at 5 am, krispy kremes, senior all night party clean-up)

 June Highlights

• Moving to Maryland
• Watching a billion movies
• Calleva
• DC and Mount Vernon 
• Travis Pastrana's house

July Highlights

• Chilling with Becky Miller and Ashley Barney
• Mountain Biking and HBR 
• Surprising coming home! 
• Wicked

  August Highlights

• Student Gov Camp
• Football Games 
• Making up a bunch of crap about high school traditions at Frosh Orientation with Lyd

 September Highlights

• Cross Country trip to Idaho
• Beginning of Millie
• Volleyball Games
• Hanging out with the E-RIC 
• Football Games

 October Highlights 

• Leadership Conference VIPS! 
• My kick-a assembly for homecoming
• Homecoming with Travis James Tyler
• Halloween adventures
• Going to Eric's family party: games, football, wassel. 

 

November Highlights

• Best birthday ever!  18!!
• Big Booty, yummy food and mafia 
• 11:11 on 11/11/11 with Dania
• Experiencing my first yearbook deadline
• Sadies with Ben 
• Millie, Millie and more Millie  

  

December Highlights

•  Best friend party:dollar store, grey's, things
• Getting Netflix
• Christmas! 
• Awkward moment after awkward moment

A year of change, of hope, of tears, of smiles,  of experiences, of growth. Just another year of life. 

What will 2012 bring?

(Disclaimer, I have been working on this, I was just waiting for December pics, I really didn't just copy Dania. Great minds think alike I suppose) 

it's only half past the point of no return

I just wanted to wear my hood and hide.

(i'm among strangers)

life goes on like a song

Photo Credit

January 24, 2012

run, baby, run

I think it's time I run another half marathon. 

That means, it's training time.

to save us all from satan's power

Photo Credit

 "Christmas is a time for remembering the Son of God and renewing our determination to take upon us His name. It is a time to reassess our lives and examine our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Let this be a time of remembrance, of gratitude, and a time of forgiveness. Let it be a time to ponder the Atonement of Jesus Christ and its meaning for each of us personally.  Let it especially be a time of renewal and recommitment to live by the word of God and to obey His commandments."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

all the pretty girls

Today my aunt told me that when her little girls play house, they take turns being "Mayson".

 It was the cutest thing ever.

(capture it, remember it)

Photo Credit

Lovely. Isn't it?

close my eyes and leap

I did it. I got the pink slip from the attendance office, I got my teacher's to sign it, I put Eric in charge of the assembly, I promised Sutherland that all templates will be done, I did it.

I'm actually going to do something for once in my life. 

California, here I come.

music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive

Some days you replay a song over and over again, trying to believe in the words, trying to convince yourself that it will be okay,  fighting the voice in the back of your head yelling at you that you should just quit, while you pray to God that you can make it through another day.

"I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun"

just keep your head above

You haven't come this far to fall off the earth.

carry me home tonight.

Oh man.

Actually scratch that.

Oh men.

7 of them .

woke up, wished that i was dead

It's a rude awakening when you realize you are one person and you are trying to accomplish what normally five different people would do. 

with things unreal

 I want to feel the rush of a big city. The glow of the lights, the people, the smells, the sounds: I want it.

I want to hear the ocean. Feel the sand in my toes, the sun on my face. The waves crashing into my body, taking me away.

I desire the peace of the mountains. The look of fresh snow from the window, cuddled by a fireplace, reading a book.

I wish for long drives in the trees. I want to sit in the canoe, fresh water, a whole river ahead of me.

I want to see the world.

But when I look into your eyes I realize, I've seen it all.

(take me there.) 

go your own way

never forget this

Hell's waiting for you, little girl.

I can't promise you a light at the end of a tunnel.

Not yet. 

But I can promise you a candle to guide you through it.

Close your eyes, take a breath, say a prayer, shed a tear. 

God knows what's up. 

Never forget that. 

And never forget that I love you.

(so what the heck?)

Hopes and dreams are for sissies. 

I'm all about accomplishments.

wouldn't wannabe anybody else

one of those days when the first time you come is 10:40 pm

I think the reason I love being around the drama kids so much is because out of everyone I know, they are the most accepting people.

Doesn't everyone want to be accepted?

Thanks Kat and Riley, you are just too great.

my heart starts to skip a beat

When the yearbook deadline comes around, I am reminded I don't have a boyfriend.

But all other times of the year,  I seem to remember

I hate boys.

it's been a long day

I wish I was invisible.

say, you love me

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime, that's all I ask of you.

(some songs makes you wanna be in love) 

As good ole Momma Tanna would say, "Your time will come." 

dusk to dawn

When you are little, your nightmares are of monsters.

You dream of being chased by these creatures, haunted by them. 

However, when you wake up, these monsters don't exist. 

but

When you are older, your nightmares are of reality.

Real things that are happening, people you know and care about. 

Although when you wake up, the nightmare isn't true. 

The "monsters-of-reality" remain.

(and it's coming to get you.)

i still got the seed

The truth about humans is that no one is as cracked up as they appear to be.

the landslide will bring you down

I'm sorry for all of the ways I hurt you.

You've changed. I've changed.
It's time I accept that, hold my head high and walk away

When I talk to you, it's weird to think we used to be best friends.

Unspoken confrontation, instead we small-talk of this and that.

I just wanna know something...

What do you really think of me?

a great deal to say

Today was a day full of decisions.

Exhibit A: I woke up late. I decided to get ready, take my time and show up late to class. I could have rushed out the door, but I decided that today I felt like getting ready.

Exhibit B: When I woke up late and went to school, I had every intention of making it to all of my classes today. That didn't happen. I thought eating food and hanging out with Lauren would be more fun then going to class and hanging out with Lauren.

Exhibit C: I was about to go home, then I decided I wanted to talk to V. Ords. On the way, I got distracted, talked to fake-bakes (yeah, Cassidy Baker)  for a little, went and helped Hollyberry (my new nickname for Bowers) plan her lesson and talked to some random people in the hall.

Exhibit D: I watched Beauty and the Beast. Then I decided that Belle is easily my favorite princess. It has been a tie between Belle and Ariel forever. But today I finally decided. Belle is just fantastic.

Exhibit E: I took my homework to babysit. I ended up watching two episodes of "Lie to Me" (which I justified because it's technically extra credit for psych)

Exhibit F: I decided to finally write my college essays. But I also decided to be content with failing a test tomorrow, (by a lot) turning in less than half my notes, and having more redos to do. I'm already failing anyway. I know I will get all of this up eventually, I know myself too well. I don't feel the necessity to stress yet.

Exhibit G: Now it's time to start getting ready for bed because my mom convinced me I don't want to be tired for my mutual activity.

Pretty much all I did today was make a bunch of dumb decisions and wasted my time. Sounds like me lately.

who knows? who cares?

me: after a night of being with my friends

me: before a night of doing psych homework

I'm a senior. I can feel it in my bones and see it in my grades.

dead in days of dreaming

What if? 

A four letter pronoun and a tiny conjunction-- if combined make the two most dangerous words in the English language.

(So... what if?)

chase you with a rolling pin

"I have a terrific idea, why don't you go underwater while I count to a million?"

gotta love princess diaries 2. so funny.

you look like a fool to me

I have three words to say to you: 

You're an idiot.

Oh wait I have a few more: 

You suck.

And: 

Thanks for nothing.

alright, stop collaborate and listen.

CONFESSIONS

10 Random Facts about Me

1. I hate being with large groups of people. They intimidate me, no matter how confident I appear to be. I also hate "small talk" which is another reason why large crowds aren't my dealio. I prefer super  small groups, one on one or being alone.

2. I like to bathe more than I like showering. Some people think taking baths are gross but I think that after a long day, I like a good bath.

3. I honestly do not have one care in the world what people think of me. The exact reason I haven't gotten ready in weeks and I wear sweat pants all of the time lately. It's getting bad.

4. I used to think crying was a form of weakness. I still do, but I cry all the time. Proposals, movies, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and even my own feelings makes me cry. Wow. I AM a girl.

5. It's NOT my birthday. And it hasn't been anytime this week.

6. I like being with adults better than teenagers. Brother Dykstra, Sister Anthony, and Mrs. Van Orden are probably my three favorite people on earth.

7. I'm intimidated by people who everyone loves. Even if they are my good friend. I just feel like I can never live up to them and I wonder why they would be my good friend.

8. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I ask people how they are and they just say "good." I ask because I want to know how you are.  I like honest answers.  Tired, fine, okay, fantastic, peachy (personal favorite)-- Those are honest answers. If you really are good, that's good. But I don't believe that most people are generally good, I believe there is more to what people are feeling.

9. I have 7 Pandora stations I listen to. Local Natives, Mumford and Sons, Damien Rice, Disney, Michael Buble Holiday,  Ingrid Michaelson and Taylor Swift. My favorite is between Ingrid and Local Natives. Two different, chill styles of music. I feel my Pandora stations say a lot about who I am.

10. For my last confession, I admit it, I like taking pictures on photobooth. Even by myself. I'm not full of myself or anything, I just get bored sometimes. That's the truth.

make 'em laugh

I just love funny people.

People like Sower Patch (Danielle) or Peaves. When I laugh so hard it hurts. It was a great night with these kiddos.

Or Shazzmatazz (L-Fabes) when she reinvents songs. I can't think of a funnier thing she does.

Iszy. Knell. Freaking funniest person ever! I reread some of our emails. Goodness gracious, she's just funny.

Finally, me. I am the funniest person that I know. I just can't help laugh at myself because I am hilarious.


(Okay, I admit it, that was only partially sarcastic. You know you have laughed at me once or twice. All of those times you thought you were laughing AT me, really I just started laughing myself so you were laughing WITH me. Tricked ya!I am funny just because I am funny. We all know I am funny. Hahahahahaha just kidding. I really am not that full of myself. Sometimes I just laugh at myself because no one else has for a while.)

PS. Common thread? Did you notice it? Yep. We are all on yearbook. We are great.

it will set you free

There will come a time when love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there. 

-After the Storm, Mumford and Sons

my bones are shifting in my skin

Alone with my thoughts. 

That's where I wanna be. 

Always. 

No need to feel ashamed, fake, or forgotten. 

Just let me be. 

Alone.

pulling the puzzles apart

This explains it all.

marry me, today and everyday

Sometimes I just cry at how cute this is. As in, I totally cried. Honestly, talk about the cutest proposal ever.

i've been changing

As a freshman, if you told me that I was going to be yearbook editor and student body vice president-- I wouldn't have believed you.

As a freshman, if you were to tell me I would join cross country, I would have asked for you to shoot me first. 

As a freshman if you were to tell me who I was going to Prom with, my first date, my first kiss, that I would like this person or that person-- I would have wondered who the heck  half those people were or why the heck I would ever like them.

As a freshman, if you were to tell me I would be in Advanced Drama, Musical Theater, in the school play and considering trying out for the Shakespeare play, I probably would have laughed in your face. Me? A drama nerd? Yeah right. As a freshman, I was "too cool" for things like that.

I guess what I am saying that in four years, I have changed. I feel like a completely different person. I just wouldn't have expected anything in my life to be this way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite all of the changes, I still have the same best friends. They are so solid. I have the most dependable, loyal, greatest friends ever. We have our fun traditions (like midnight movies, dollar store night and Christmas exchange), we have had our wonderful memories, we've even had our fights and disagreements. But it seems that no matter what happens, these girls have been here for me. I am forever grateful for the love and support they have given me throughout the years. I am also forever excited to spend my future with them. It's been a good 6 years with these guys as my best friends, and I honestly cannot wait for  the next 60 to come.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS. As a freshman, (and really way back to elementary school), I would not have guessed that Emily Curtis would be the hot babe she is today. No offense Em, but really, where did you come from?! Hot dang girlfriend!

somewhere only we know

The buzz of the lights on a silent hall, memories flood my brain. 

The voice in my head hushes them. 

Time spent alone remains bitter, for dwelling on yesterday's together.

For a path to gather moments and a reason to remember them. 

Dimmed lights, quiet buzz.

(A memory never fades.)

No matter how hard we try to forget.

drench yourself in words unspoken

"Because silence is nothing,  and nothing is so full of words."

-Mimi Hamblin

(Yeah, I stalked Mimi's poetry and discovered this, the respect I have for that girl is insanely up the wazoo, she is absolutely incredible)

oh wouldn't it be nice?

As opposed as I am to high school romance and boyfriends, after 15 and a half hours working on yearbook, being sick as a dog, crying, laughing, and basically almost dying--it would have been nice.

It would have been nice to have someone to text every little detail about the day.

It would have been nice to have someone to call at the end of it, someone to look forward to.

It would have been nice to have someone to come over and hug you and not let go until you say so.

It would have been nice to have someone smile at you and tell you all of your work would worth it.

Man, it would have been nice to be in love today, oh it would have been nice.

(talk about bad timing)

PS. 300th published blog post. Wow. I need a life. 

my heart stumbles on things I don't know

 It's just one big headache. 

One huge physical, emotional, mental headache. 

Close your eyes, take a breather, slow down a little, Mayson. 

(I just want to know the ending to the story)

despite my growing fears

Push aside the stress, the confusion, the frustration, the mixed feelings, the limitations--

I am content. 

(and all is well)

swim when it hurts

currents will pull you away from your love. 

i swim for better days despite the absence of sun.

just keep your head above.

(swim)

seal my heart and break my pride

Mumford and Sons. 

Local Natives.

Give me more. Please. I can't get enough.

goodbye, my hopeless dream

He's not a heart in a box. 

He never has been and he never will be. 

That's exactly it. 

It's a simple as that. 

He is not a heart in a box.

one year older and wiser too

Some birthday's you sit there and you think, "this day is like any other, it's not that great"

And some birthday's are the best ever.

It may be walking into Student Gov and everyone cheering for you, candy waiting on your desk, birthday notes all over the school (gotta admit it, awkward at first).

Then John Oldroyd makes the few people in Journalism sing to you, and you meet some super cool people in Mr. Ashton's room.

Lunch at Zupas. Surprise Ice Cream Party in Yearbook. Yogurt Land.  La Jolla Groves. Candy Store. (I kind of LOVE food)

New shoes, movies, mall shopping.

Getting asked not only on ONE but THREE dates. (Let's be real, that's a rare occasion!)

And now McKann is picking me up to go to Farr's Fresh. LOVELY. 


But come on now,  let's be honest, I had the best birthday ever because I have the best friends ever.

let's get together and feel alright

First term is over,

my birthday is coming,

and I had a delicious cup of wassail tonight. 

Plus on top of all of that, Christmas music season is coming up quickly. 

life is good.

the world was sleeping

  Time: 11:59 PM. Song: Human by The Killers Activity: Psych Redos

 

Time: 12:29 AM. Song: Last Kiss by Taylor Swift. Activity: Psych Redos

Time: 1:02 AM. Song: Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift. Activity: Psych Redos

 

Time: 1:43 AM. Song: Bet On It from HSM2 Activity: Cleaning the Kitchen

 

Time: 2:17 AM Song: Last Christmas by the Glee Cast Activity: Superhero Psych Extra Credit

Time: 2:48 AM Song: Sort Of by Ingrid Michaelson Activity: Psych Notes

Time: 3:12 AM Song: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol Actvity: Psych Redos

Time: 3:42 AM Song: The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script. Activity: Psych Redos

Time: 4:02 AM Song: Well no more songs, listening to the Old Testament. Activity: Seminary Reading

when it's all too late

 

See those stairs? Me too. I spent literally hours and hours on those stairs. It was the one of the few places that I would get reception when I lived in Maryland.  I miss those stairs. 

I've been known to be one of those people who don't appreciate things while I have them.

I'm a "don't know what you've got 'til it's gone type of girl" 

It's a problem.

What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday? 

So let's be grateful today for what we have today instead of being thankful tomorrow for the things we had yesterday. 

something keeps me holding onto nothing

My birthday is coming. 

........

It'll be just another day in your life. It'll mean nothing to you. 

I'm gonna pretend like it doesn't hurt me. I'll crack a joke or two about it. 

You weren't there then, why would you be now? 

I will never understand you. 

........

My question is why do I allow you to hurt me still?

It's not fair.

a wish your heart makes

Sometimes it's a dandelion, or a birthday candle or a shooting star. Sometimes it's just a prayer in your heart, or a hope in your mind. 

Photo Credit

Don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart.

i swear i'm not doing anything

Signs that you are procrastinating:

Exhibit A: You comment 80 times on your own facebook status. (And still counting!) 

Exhibit B: You watch little children TV shows. 

Exhibit C: Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Blogger haven't changed at all since you last went on. 

Exhibit D: You get off the internet on your computer then get on it on your phone.

Exhibit E: You walk around your house singing the Winnie the Pooh theme song. 

Exhibit F: You are able to create masterpieces such as this one.

CURSE YOU PROCRASTINATION!

come away with me

You could take me to a beach, and we could listen to the ocean and I would enjoy it. 

But if you knew me any better, you would take me...

Photo Credit

step one, he says "we need to talk"

Somebody please explain my life to me. Thanks.


wtfmylife

falling into memories of you

(It's time for me to box up all my memories and ship them to the middle of nowhere.)

promise me that all you say is true

(I admit it,  I love you)

it's what we needed to have a good time

That great moment when: 

The girl in your seminary class tells you that you could always grow up to be a nun

There are first time kids in the temple and they are nervous, and the dad baptizing the little boy stops and gives his son a kiss on the forehead.

 You wake up at 2:30 AM and you have a million texts from your best friend reminding you once again that sophomore year was awesome and you used to be decent looking.

Judge Frolo dies in Hunchback.

You can sing along to Hunchback and even remember the Latin parts.

You win the football game.

You look in the mirror after getting your lashes filled. 

When you yell out the windows at runners on the road, and the next day a teacher tells you they "saw" you on their run.

You and Kirsti find out you got Academic All State

You are starving and Ms. Jardine gives you donuts and Sutherland gives you cup of noodles.

You walk down stairs and there is banana bread.

Aaron, Kat and Jake put up with you after the choir concert.

Ben Li tells you that you can throw the garbage can and he will pick up all the garbage.

Steffany walks to you in the drama room, but only follows the edges.

You find cool things at DI.

"That didn't rhyme"

You find out that the weird recording on Jake's phone was actually Jake talking and you wonder what he ever does with his life.

 Iszy wears the awesome marshmallow jacket.

 You start singing "Our Song" with Isz, in the ugliest way possible.

You are 15, 20 minutes late to Musical Theater and you don't get marked tardy.

Eric takes your candids for you.

Macall starts cheering weird on the field and the football player gives her the strangest face.

(I love great moments.)

good night moon will find the mouse

Right now I have a few options:

fly south for the winter

or 

hibernate. 

(goodnight forever world)

you've been on my mind

"If you asked me for my heart, there's no way that I'll say no."

(i like you)

i see you drive 'round town

Today I opened the fridge and found some strawberries. And ever since then, all I can imagine is standing at the round-a-bout chucking them at cars as they drive by with my little siblings. It sounds like the funnest activity ever.

Just saying. . .

like a comet pulled from orbit

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. 

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

(I miss the Martinis family.)

  

just stay this little

I just want to stop her from growing....

before she gets hurt. before she gets scared. before she's alone.

She's so little. Right now her biggest problems are when someone steals her spot that her friend saved her from the lunch room.....

because in the future it could be someone stealing her heart. 

I want to grab her tight and never let go....

before she allows herself to let somebody else hold her close. 

Right now she puts on dresses to dress up, she has to sneak putting make up on. She is clothed in innocence and laughter....

I don't want her to dress in any other way for any other person besides herself. 

She doesn't need to get caught between any boy drama besides her brothers, she doesn't need to fall in love, she doesn't need to grow. She doesn't need to make life complicated.....

so we'll think of a wonderful thought, take the second star to the left, and enter into Neverland.

"To you everything's funny, you have nothing to regret. I'd give all I'd have honey, if you could stay like that"

She doesn't need to grow up, she has me. That's all a baby sister could need.