Metro = LOVE

Ok honestly, I loved the metro. It was one of my favorite parts of DC. And since I am super bored in photo class, I thought I should explain why. The metro- it is just so different. Its hectic, its an adventure. It is so grand. If Utah had one, I would love it! I would ride it ALL the time. Its so convenient. The people on the metro are great too. They are so exotic, so strange. In DC it is a completely different culture. Everything is different. Everything is grand. The metro is just a part of DC I would love to bring back to Utah. I love the metro. The end.

Bowling

You get to the alley and you put on someone else's shoes.

Knowing others have worn the shoes, you take the risk and wear them anyway.

You begin to play.

The game is rocky.

Overall you don't know how to play it very well, but at times there are moments.

Moments where you come close, you almost get what you want.

Moments where you get a strike and it feels like you succeed.

And moments where you wish you were a kid again and side bumpers would be great to use.

Help. Sometimes what you want is help, and guidance.

Remembering you are in someone else's shoes,

You play the game anyway.

Mostly you do okay, but overall, your score isn't too great.

It's the moments where you strike out, that you feel lucky, successful, and glorious.

You won. You feel like a champion. Even if it is one strike.

Your ball doesn't cooperate as you wish, not always.

At times during the game, it sways towards the exact opposite of what you want.

You can't control it once you let it go.

It becomes free.

But you decide where you put it.

You watch the pins stumble to the floor.

You make your game, your game.

You play in shoes worn by others.

You don't get what you want.

Your score isn't that great.

But at the end of the game, you are happy.

Why?

You didn't even play a good game.

But there were moments where you struck out.

Times of succession.

And the game is over.

Then someone else must fill those shoes.

:(

Nothing is getting better.

Like at all.

Pretty much I feel like my social life is over, school seems pointless and I would love to run away and get outta here. I know it just seems like I complain a lot, which I kinda do, but I seriously, feel like I have lost everything lately. And a lot of it is my fault.

I am stupid.

I don't know what I want, I am confused. I pretty much only know how to make bad decisions when it comes to friends, boys and family. I just feel out of wack. I am so off. I just feel like the world hates me and there is no going back. It is hard to know who is truly on your side. Those who you feel like would be, talk crap behind your back, don't really care about you or just plain suck. No one is there for me anymore. It really sucks. :( I just feel lost and alone. Big time. Major time alone.

I miss my old life.

When in doubt, these people save your day

Christian, k don't mind the super old picture, I love it! Anyway, I love him. No, that is an understatement. I LOVE HIM SO SO SO MUCH! Christian is so great. I appreciate him more then words can describe. He is my... ha he knows. He just is. :)

Justin, he looks at you, he smiles. He instantly goes for a hug and you can ALWAYS expect one from him. He makes you laugh, and he is just so great. I love him very dearly.

Marshall, although he is kinda stupid sometimes, a hug from him always makes me feel loved and just better.

Taylor and Cariel, these are the BEST freshman in the whole world. They just seriously are so amazing. They have been my friend all year and I love them SO SO SO much.

Lizi, She just walks in a room and I feel better. She laughs at everything I ever say, she lightens up my mood. Lizi is so great!

Mady, you call her, she calls you back. She supports you, watches movies with you and comforts you to the max. I love her to death and am proud to call her my best friend! :)

McKann! She just gets life. She makes sense of it, she talks you through things and even makes sure you are in line with your life. I love McKann so much and miss her so much! I feel like I haven't talked in ages!

BOZO.. aka Zoe aka my fiance. Yes, I love her. She is so so so so so great. I don't see her much but we often go walking through medows of clover. But not really, Zoe is fantastic. Indeed.

Dania, my love for Dania grows everyday. She is a friend when you need her. She just always makes me feel important and I love her so much. I can definitely say she has saved my day many many times.

On My Mind...

"Gone Away"- Lucy Schwartz

I've been finding puzzle pieces of us, kept in the dust

I've been hiding letters and photograph frames
To forget your name

We were never meant to be this heart broken
Words were never meant to be this half-spoken

Falling in
The space between
The universe
And all we see has
Gone away, Gone Away

I've been tracing my steps in fingerprint clues, and clips of the news
Wondering why in our in our lives the wind calls our name
And we're never the same

We were never meant to be this heart broken
Words were never meant to be this half-spoken

Falling in
The space between
The universe
And all we see has
Gone away, Gone Away

Winding Circles, Take me back to
The place I knew when I was with you

Falling in
The space between
The universe
And all we see has
Gone away, Gone Away

"Nicest Thing"

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something '

Just some stuff on my mind right now... Good music. :? (Thats an I am confused smiley face)

So today I have been working. I cleaned the whole upstairs today. (Which is pretty much our whole house because the down stairs is STILL being remodeled.) So that was productive. Well ok not the whole upstairs not my parents room or little siblings but other then that, yes the whole thing. I also watched those children we own. Thats about all for today. So last night I had a weird dream about how Miley Cyrus came and I was like her friend and she was afraid to get out of the car because of paparazzi . Strange.

Right now I am listening to Ragtime. I love musicals! Ragtime is amazing. Oh my, it was one of the best plays I have ever seen. I saw it a few years ago with Lauren after our awesome acting camp. (hahahahah) Some of my other favorite plays I have seen are, Wicked. Thats a no brainer. But I loved Joseph, Peter Pan, Once on this Island and the Fantasticks. I LOVE MUSICALS. No that is seriously an understatement. Oh my THEY ARE THE BEST!

Speaking of which me and Emily signed up for Drama next year. That will be hilarious. I am excited.

These are some of my favorite lines from wonderful musicals.

"There's a day of hope, may I live to see. When our hearts are happy and our souls are free. Let the new day dawn. Oh Lord I pray, we'll never get to heaven 'til we reach that day."

- 'Til we Reach that Day, Ragtime

"There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed"

-Thank Goodness, Wicked

" I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return"

-For Good, Wicked

"Love me- thats all I ask of you"

-All I Ask of You, Phantom of the Opera

I miss you...

I miss the days where friendship was considered a TWO WAY thing. I call you, and YOU call me. Not just a I call you, you don't answer, never call back, sort of thing.

I miss the days where I knew what you did that weekend because I was THERE not because I read it on your FACEBOOK STATUS, OR RECENT BLOG POST.

I miss the fact that I used to not be able to go a DAY without talking to you and now it feels like MONTHS since i have actually talked to you about important things in my life.

I miss the fact you would make an effort to see me OUTSIDE of school instead of just doing bare minimum to hardly even see me INSIDE of it anyway.

I miss that it felt like we KNEW about each other then one day its as if I don't even MATTER to you anymore.

I miss that YOU used to TRUST me, but NOW not so MUCH.

I miss the fact that you probably READ this and don't even know how DIRECTED this is towards you.

I miss the days that it wasn't all about YOU. It was about US.

I miss the days we were friends and that you cared about me.

Maddox...Maddox...Maddox...

This is Maddox. Cute? Yes. Adorable? Yes. Crazy? Yes. I love him. He is super. For instance, today after struggling to get him to shower, after all that mess I have a even harder task, brushing his hair. So as I am brushing it, he shakes his said and says, "Mays, you are making me look all weird!" The six year old has a sense of style. It also contains wearing his shirt backwards and also occasionally wearing girl underwear. (Thats when I call him Maddie, or Madison) This kid is killer. He has a freaking 6-pack. Yeah, you heard that. 6 year old with a 6-pack. Oh yeah on top of that, he skate boards like crazy, been riding a bike for 4 years (do the math at age 2 he was on a two wheeler bike.. insane) and can play any sport he wants. Backflips, no big deal. At age 3, or 4, he was doing fulls on a bed in our house. (the twisted backflips). He is CRAZY! He always has energy. Its as if he lives off of red bull and red bull only, and he has never even had red bull. Oh yeah, I love him. He is so adorable and loving. (HA not always, usually when I walk by he will hit me) but The small loving moments he shares make him worth it. I love him! I don't know what I would do with out him. Ever since the day we got him, I loved him as if he was my "whole" brother. I have never looked at any of my siblings different. Maybe more love for them then the others, because with them I love their birth parents more then I can even express in words. Basically, Maddox is the coolest 6 year old in the world. He is so great, fantastic, skilled, and wonderful. I love him with all my heart! :)

I Love Louie!!

Look at this girl. I love her. Last night, we had a party. Well, if just the two of us can be considered a party, then thats exactly what we had. So our attempt to find other people to hang out with epically failed. But we had fun anyway. We ordered pizza, watched My Turn on Earth, went on the most stellar longest walk ever, and had fun. There is something about Sarah, she just gets it. She understands me. She thinks the same as me. She isn't judgmental. Louie-- is just Louie. I am so glad we are friends. :) I love her.

It's over. It's over. Why am I not over it?

York, me and Bj on the couch. I just really enjoy this picture. It makes me feel special. :)

I love my friends. Last night I went to Special Ed Prom. It was so fun. There was a deaf girl there, Ariel, and I totally signed to her and knew what we were talking about. Then I went to Tarryn Jakin's surprise birthday party. When I got there I was super hyper. Then some stuff happened and I got sad, tired and angry. I went on a walk with Sarah, aka Louie. Louie is the most understanding, nicest, friendliest friend I have. I love her so so so much. Next I was there laying on a couch. All alone. Then Christian Paiva came over to me and told me to sit up. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. So i kindly excepted and laid in to his arms. Then all of the sudden I hear singing. "Lean on me, when your not strong, I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on!" I look around, there was like 5 boys standing around in a circle singing it to me. Ahh, it was so cute. It seriously made my whole night. :) When it doubt, they will make you feel better. I am just happy that when sometimes I am having a bad day, I have friends there for me. Also, someone's super awesome ipod with "My Turn on Earth." It was so wonderful.

"Details In The Fabric"

by Jason Mraz
(feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

Today...

Today, I woke up too late to go to the seminary thing, but I woke up early enough to get ready.

Today, I was supposed to do my Lincoln Presentation but for some reason still didn't do it.

Today, I took a math test, I don't think I did too well.

Today, I will be grateful for today is the only April 15, 2010 I will ever get.

Today, I was told I was brilliant by my english teacher.

Today, I went to get my transcript and felt satisfied with my grades.

Today, I went to lunch with Kassidy, Louie, and Mady, it was yummy,

Today, I will be grateful for today is the only April 15, 2010 I will ever get.

Today, I had no homework so I came home and watched Modern Family.

Today, I got to take a big fat nap.

Today, I built a chicken coup.

Today, I will be grateful for today is the only April 15, 2010 I will ever get.

Today, I went to the soccer game with my great wonderful friends.

Today, I was trying to make Jon Michael happy, I just kept failing.

Today, I had a hole in my dress, it was embarrassing.

Today, I will be grateful for today is the only April 15, 2010 I will ever get.

Today, I cleaned my bathroom.

Today, I ate Taco Bell for dinner.

Today, I was proud when I found out I was ranked #1 at my school for grades. 4.0 baby!

Today, I will be grateful for today is the only April 15, 2010 I will ever get.

I love Today. Despite the parts that weren't superb. I just am so grateful I live where I live. I am also so grateful to have the people I have around me. I am so happy to have today. For without it, where would we be.

Remember...

Today is a gift. Thats why they call it the present.

MORP 2010

Morp ended up being super de duper fun after my freak out. We went to dinner at the Training Table, then went to the dance and after went to Mady's. My group was way fun! They were super fun and hilarious.

OUR DATES :)

Me and Max

Lydia and Rickey

Kassidy and Tannon

Chrystalyn and Hayden

Mady and Alex

I Lost It

I completely lost it today. I was freaking out, panicking, not really wanting to go to Morp just cause its so stressful. But I called a dear from of mine and they just talked me through the whole night and made me feel better. Deep breaths help, but I love good friends. I think tonight will be a great night! It should be super fun. As long as I have a good attitude about it. AHHHHHH... I screamed a lot today.

Note To Self... Everything will be okay in the end, if it is not okay it is not the end.

Gotta get through this. I will.

DC.. only Saturday, Sunday and Monday til I leave. :)

I can get through the weekend. I know I can.

Song of the day... "Where is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas

Its message is so great.

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)


Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love

Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)


Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'

Where is the love?

Countin down the days

Getting closer and closer. Its coming around the corner. Tomorrow is MORP! It is going to be SUPER! It's been crazy planning it. But it'll be fun! Today Josh Burr, basically gave me his old phone. That was good. I need to pay for it but I will if I like it. :) Nice to have something new though for a while. It is a good phone though. So far I like it a lot. AHHHHHHHHHH

WHY ISN'T IT TUESDAY YET!?!?!?!

Today was a good day. I love it when a lot of little things add up to be a good day. :)

Song of the Day: Top 25 Songs of 2009 Remix. OH MY GOSH!!! So freaking sweet.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BKDFsVGN9g

The video is kinda strange but the music is fantastic.