My Favorite Place in the Whole Wide World

I love Washington DC.

I do.

And guess what? I am going there.

You know it.

I can't wait til March.

:)

This Guilt Consumes Me

I never knew loving him hurt someone so bad.

This is the "You Belong With Me" type of hurt that I hate hate hate, double hate, loathe entirely, feeling. This is the type of hurt, no girl deserves to feel. Boys shouldn't lead on 5 million girls at once. Even if they are just being your friend, it hurts. Boys shouldn't say someone is important to them if they just say the same thing to another girl, 5 minutes after the other girl is gone. Boys are dumb. Especially him.

The thing is, I understand how it hurts to watch him love someone else. The crap he feeds her is unfair. I know it's crap, because he said the exact same things to me.

What's worse? Never hearing the lie for yourself, or hearing it everyday for 6 months and believing it? I honestly cannot pick.

It's true, almost all my favorite songs remind me of him. It's true, I never could wear heels around him. It's true, he does only care about the stupid girl of his life. It's true, you are stuck up. Everything she said was true.

But the fact is, we were both victims of his sick love game.

I lose myself in a daydream...

Today I caught myself daydreaming. It was magical. It was about the date of my dreams. (Actually quite literally haha) It went something like this...

The boy (who I might add, the boy of my dreams, may be perfect, so cute, good, yeah...) picks me up. He meets my ever so awkward dad, promises to get me home at a reasonable hour and escorts me to the car- not to be a gentleman really at first, but more like to make me laugh and make sure I don't slip, so the funny guy turns into a gentleman just like that.

As we go, I say hello to those in the back (whoever they may be) and we turn on the music. It's Taylor Swift of course, both of our favorites. We drive to Salt Lake. Singing along to the tunes that make me think of him, laughing, talking, enjoying the 45 minutes to our destination.

We arrive. The lights are gorgeous. We take the time to notice the beautiful trees. Then we admire the temple. We stand there forever. Adoring every moment. Time stands still. Then, the cute and wonderful boy stops and asks stranger for a photo. Although we are both bundled because of the cold winter night, the picture actually turns out perfect. (...and in my fantasy, he goes home and makes it his profile picture, teases me to copy him, and so I do). We get some hot chocolate and continue on with the date. He isn't afraid to hold my hand. He just does. (And if I could figure out some point of the night that we could cuddle, we would. But I can't think of something... if you have any ideas, help me out) We walk around Salt Lake, just chatting, almost forgetting the others are there. We still have a good time with the other couple but keep getting left behind. We flirt, we just truly enjoy the night on the town.

As we drive home, we finish the Taylor Swift CD, and just talk about stuff. I don't know, everything. The four of us laugh, and enjoy the long ride home. He drops off the others first. He does this purposely, he wants to be alone. But he is not the kind of boy who wants to be alone because he is a boy, he wants to be alone because he is a man. The difference, he just wants to talk, not make out.

So we pull up at my house. He escourts me to the door. (again). He looks me in the eyes to show that what he is about to say, truly means something to him. He calls me by name and says, "Mayson, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you." I laugh. Taylor Swift of course. I reply, "Hey [boy] I was enchanted to meet you" He laughs this time. Then he goes, "But really, this is one of the best dates I have ever had. Thanks for coming with me" I thank him for taking me. He then gives me a good, long (but not too long) hug,. As we are about to leave, I look up at him. I give him the mayson look, then he leans in and kisses me. But not like a kiss because he likes me, just a peck to end the night perfect. It's a small, soft kiss, the type that I never mention to people (except like my 5 best friends), or to each other ever again. I know that it is just a kiss because he enjoyed the night, not because he wants to commit, or marry me, and I love that. Not because I am a slut, it's not a meaningless kiss, it is just a "Thank You Kiss" He gives me one last hug, and we say goodbye.

The after math, I walk in the house doing the silent scream of happiness and joy. Of course I call someone, who?, depends on the day. Spazz out and dance around to a Taylor Swift song we sang together that night.

I want to die because it was the best night ever.

And I am in love, happy as can be.

Mistaken.

You’ve been my golden best friend now with post-demise at hand, can’t go to you for consolation Cause we’re off limits during this transition. This grief overwhelm me. It burns in my stomach, and I can’t stop bumping into things. I thought we’d be simple together. I thought we’d be happy together. Thought we’d be limitless together. I thought we’d be precious together

But I was sadly mistaken. You’ve been my soulmate and mentor. I remembered you the moment I met you. With you, I knew god’s face was handsome . With you, I suffered an expansion. This loss is numbing me; it pierces my chest, and I can’t stop dropping everything I thought we’d be sexy together. Thought we’d be evolving together. I thought we’d have children together . I thought we’d be family together. But I was sadly mistaken. If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared- If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented- If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air- My wealth would render this no less severe. I thought we’d be genius together. I thought we’d be healing together. I thought we’d be growing together. Thought we’d be adventurous together.But I was sadly mistaken. Thought we’d be exploring together. Thought we’d be inspired together. I thought we’d be flying together. Thought we’d be on fire together. But I was sadly mistaken

AP English I love you, but hate you at the same time

I always want to believe I am a decent writer, then we get these english assignments, I have a great idea and cannot put it on paper.

Eh.... It sucks.

I Heart Mormon Messages

I could watch Mormon Messages on Youtube for hours. I just love them so much. There is an amazing feeling I get when I watch them. Today in seminary, I watched this one. (I thought I would share the season's love and joy) Then I decided to come home and watch more. I highly recommend spending your time there and not on facebook. You get so much more out of this.

So there are a ton that are called... "I'm a Mormon"

Those are among my favorites.

We are all humans just trying to live our lives. All different, yet common in purpose, we are mormons.

I probably won't make my own but I thought I would at least write what I do. (even though I am not that exciting... I will try to be creative here)

I'm Mayson Astle. I run. I am on debate. I go to school. I am a 4.0 student. My parents are divorced. I have three adopted siblings. I love converse. (the shoes.) I am on the yearbook staff. I am the VP of Glee. I am the President of Operation Smile. I talk on the phone. I text. I listen to my ipod. I love boys.

And I'm a Mormon.

This is looking like a contest to act like they care less...

You are definitely winning.

Dumb Boy- 1

Mayson- 0

Let's keep track of points. I like this game.

PS. Enchanted, Taylor Swift. New boy, that is dedicated to you.

10 victory points for Mayson for thinking of other boys

Dumb Boy- 1

Mayson- 10

50 for you having a new girl

Dumb Boy- 51

Mayson- 10

Yep. Still winning.

Cuddling Points.

I definitely deserve some of those.

Dumb Boy- 51

Mayson-25

Still winning.

I will catch up. I will.

..... You wouldn't even care about cuddling points anyway. It's ok, I probably have more man points then you do. You can't just be all velvet. Yeah you "manned it up" when you started being a jerk. I wasn't talking worldly man here, I was talking true man-- true man.