at the end of the day

Some days you just scream "Bennett" down the hall and no one understands what the heck is going on. Then you need to go into the locker room, put all of your stuff all over the floor, whine a little, cry a little, scream a little. Moments when you can't put your shoes on by yourself, so you just helplessly lay there on the ground until someone comes and puts them on for you. Then you freak out a little more, scare half of your team, and make the other half laugh. Then go on a run, run up some hills, do some abs and maybe a handful of push ups. Some days you just steal someone's water bottle, and grab a huge bag of ice just to eat. Then maybe someone buys you a Jamba Juice and some Great Harvest Bread.

. . . and then you feel all better.

what if i'm not what you think I am?

I'm the girl that everyone loves to tease.

"Mayson, remember when you drown in the river?"

"That's what Mayson said"

"You guys could have a fiesta at your wedding"

blah blah blah blah blah.

For the most part, I handle the teasing well. I am aware that I am probably the easiest girl at Timpview to tease.  I am also aware that I am the one that my family loves to tease, and my friends too. Something about me is "tease-able."

Okay so I can't swim, I can't talk to boys and I know that I definitely can't stand on my own two feet very well. But you don't all need to treat me like I am 12. I am not your little sister, I am your age. Remember?

"A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone rolled clay balls and left them in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man. so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls into the ocean, one at a time, to see how far they could go. He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock.  Inside he found a precious stone! Excited, the man broke open the few that were left. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left. Then it struck him. He had been throwing clay balls for a long time. He had thrown 50 or 60 clay balls into the ocean. Instead of thousands of dollars, he could have had tens of thousands of dollars, but he had thrown it all away"

At times we are the man exploring. We look at people with less than they are worth and indeed, we are missing out. Sometimes we are the clay balls. Being chucked as if we are nothing. There is a treasure in each of us-- to share and to have. 

"For my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Particularly, pay no attention to what some boy might say to demean you. He is no better than you. In fact, he has already belittled himself by his actions. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it. He bestowed upon you the gift of mortality that you might gain experience, positive, wonderful purpose experience that will lead to life eternal"

--Gordon B. Hinkley

(Let's just say, the prophets know what's up)

you got your head in the clouds

Skinny? 

Quiet?

Pretty?

Oh yep, I'm not your type. Might as well quit while I am ahead.

(Once upon a time this was some poetic type thing about how I accept that I am not those things, but then it didn't work and didn't feel so poetic anymore)

another sun soaked season fades away

Can you believe summer is ending?! What the heck? I have had an adventurous summer, boy have I.
The first few days felt sort of like  it's own summer. I remember it being so hectic realizing I had nothing to take with me across the country, I remember going to one of Ali Harrison's famous parties and I remember planning my own goodbye karaoke party so I could see my friends one last time.

Then came June 1. Waking up to Sarah coming and giving me Crazy Cores and Powerade. Getting to the airport and my mom wanting me to call Anjie. I didn't want to do that, oh no. I remember my mom telling Anjie that I would eat anything.  (Anjie soon learned that I wouldn't) Oh the Chicago Airport! I sat there for 3 hours, and I even watched "A Cinderella Story". When I got to BWI, I called Eric. I had a trouble finding him and his super nice car. We drove, I remember stopping at a gas station. As he went inside I remember thinking, what the heck? This is my family this summer.  The first night was... interesting. I was so overly welcomed I didn't know what to do. The house was huge and I was living with strangers. My room was amazing and I saw fireflies for the first time.

Overtime, the Martinis family became my own. I spent so much time with Finn, Gabe, Tate and Coleman. I love them all. I miss them. Anjie would listen to me talk about work and Eric treated me like a princess. Well let's be real, they both did. I started working at Calleva and didn't know what the heck I got myself in to. Calleva soon became my summer. And parts of me even miss it now. Maryland was quite the experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was a hard experience. But it was a great experience. There aren't words to describe each thing I did, sometimes it's hard to explain memories.

Then I came home, surprised my friends, and lived the last few weeks. I was happy to be home but now I miss my Maryland freedom. :)

I would have to say this has been the most different, wonderful, experience of a summer I could ask for.

Hello my name is Mayson and I am a senior in high school. What the heck? When did this happen?

days go by

There has just been something about the last few days. Somewhat good, somewhat bad. I don't know.

Here's to the last few days of my life--

• Yogurtland with Shannon and Blonde haired, wannabe Mayson, Lauren
• Talking to Aaron. Have you ever known someone who no matter what mood you are in, they can make you laugh? That's Aaron. 
• Looking at cars with my father
• SANDWICHES!!! Only my favorite food. Probably. I love love love love love sandwiches. 
• Hobby Lobby with Lydia. We are going to be the cutest house wives in the world and the most obnoxious house wives ever. I can't believe we didn't get kicked out.
• Working and getting my life cleaned up
• My left ear doesn't work unless you pull on it.
• Getting my physical-- cookie dough, taquitos, and L-Fabes
• Being the ONLY kid in Sunday School. Luckily Hannah and Megan came late
• The awkward moment when the Bishop came to set our new presidency apart and it took about 5 minutes to explain to Hannah and Megan that we were getting a new presidency. 
• Anne Olson's "OH CRAP" when the Bishop walked in.
• The class singing "Scripture Power" and the bishop walks in AGAIN.
• Sleeping for hours then remembering how I was taught in Seminary not to lounge around all Sunday. Oops. 
• L-Fabes new ringtone-- 'Hallelujah Chorus'-- her name in my phone is God. Classic.  

Looking forward to Stud Gov camp tomorrow and PRE-REGION on THURSDAY!!!!

Thank you XC. Thank you.

don't stop running.

 

All I can say is that at times I wonder why the heck I joined cross country.  I usually wonder that when I am running. :) But at the end of the day, running laps for 4 hours, PR-ing your mile time, and knowing that you did it-- it's worth it. I get to spend the next two months, every dang day, with these girls, I am so lucky. They are the best. 

and yes, i am exhausted.

far away in the west.

Sarah pokes fun at me (kinda) that my blog is "churchy" Well, that's me I suppose. So I won't go on and on and on-----

17 Miracles is probably my favorite movie ever. See it. Please.

 

During the movie this message came to mind. The Church is True. Need I say more? 

That's all I will have to say. I knew nothing really about the movie going in and I loved it so much. Welp I feel changed.

I also saw The Help today. That, my dear children, was excellent too.

i want you back.

Unlike Lauren, I am very proud of Cameron for his decision he made of leaving "The Glee Project." Although he was my favorite and I wanted him to win, I am proud that he had the courage to stand up for what he believed in. However, I am bummed because they did tell him that they would write a part for him that kept his values, but I admire his courage to say that he didn't deserve it if the others were willing to work hard.

Photo Credit

It takes courage to stand up for what you believe in, especially in this world today. I will miss him, but honestly, I was truly inspired. He was able to stand for something in front of the creator of Glee. That's saying something. What's a few friends, or some kids at high school? I think his decision will go a long way for the handful of Christian kids around the world, who truly believe in their morals.

Go Cameron! I am support your choice, and I hope your life turns out well. You deserve it. Thanks for the example you set to me and millions of others. 

Except, my title still stands still, I want you back on the show. I do, you are adorable.

are we human?

I once heard (and don't ask me where, I honestly cannot remember)...

"We are not humans having spiritual experiences, we are spirits having human experiences"

Holy freak yes, exactly. Whether it's running a ragnar and wanting to die, or getting your heart broken, or having an ear infection--it's just temporary, that's just a list of human experiences we feel. Worrying about college, the yearbook, ACT scores, who is going to ask you to Homecoming/if you will be asked--it's human, and it's pointless (i mean, all of those things are in the near future, but not close enough to panic.) And as we have all of these human experiences, we tend to forget that we are truly spirits of a living God. We turn so human, it's robotic. So when you think about all those times your Sunday School, YM/YW leader, Seminary Teacher, and possibly even parents have drawn that line on the board and then fill one little dot on the line representing out lives,  truly think about really how short life is. 

We need to live it up.

But not only that, when we have those moments when we just feel like dying and wanting to cry, we need to keep going. Just because you have run a mile, and the start of the next one is rough, maybe even uphill, maybe even on 9th east for what seems like eternity, you will finish that course, and you will realize that you have millions of miles ahead. But don't worry, we don't need to breathe in Heaven. 9th east sounds worth it if you know that afterwords you can run as many miles and be free and out of pain. 

But you got to make it past the hard part, or you will never make it to the good one.

her white blank page

Everyone is telling you that you can do it, except the little voice in your head that's screaming that you can't. You want to believe you can, but you just aren't ready. You can't imagine being able to do it alone. So you pretend like everything is fine, like you can handle what's in front of you. You are afraid, but you really can't tell anyone how afraid you are. Will you ever be good enough? Will you ever know what to do on your own?

I simply do not know what I am doing.

i had no idea of the state we were in.

There are a million questions I will never ask.

There are a million answers  I will never get.

There are a million words I will never say. 

There are a million words that I will never hear.

There are a million memories that I will never have. 

don't know why i'm scared, i've been here before.

Playing "Tic Tac Toe" and getting a "cats" game every time. 

Going nowhere.

Round and round and round on the merry-go-round we go. 

Lather, rinse, repeat.