oh the pain

I didn't know I would hurt this bad.

Ache.

Oh well- it was worth it.

13.1 amazing miles (so the internet said)

I'd say- - -

four amazing miles.

one super long one.

five okay decent miles, not too bad

two super horrible crappy miserable miles

one final one

then a tiny little point one.

The crowd was cheering. The finish was there.

I even yelled "I DID IT!!" at the end.

And now I am in pain, so so so much pain.

But hey, I got a cool medal out of it :)

oh what a day. . .

It started with a chair.

(If you know that movie, I love you)

But that is not the point. It actually started in English (I'd say) Tuesday afternoon. (which was yesterday but feels like it was three years ago)

Mady and I were circling words in our Huck Finn book that stood out to us. It was so funny. We would just have these conversations through words on a book. That was entertaining.

That night was Ingrid Michaelson.

Started with a rush to get there. We waited in the freezing cold line for an hour and a half.

Then the opening band took forever to get started. Then they did and they were super good. (yet, we all waited in anticipation for Ingrid) They sang Creep. Man, I love that song.

So then Ingrid started. Can I just say that she is basically my new favorite person ever? She is so funny, chill, amazing, and talented. I loved every minute she was on stage. It was a dream come true.

Come out of the concert, snowing. BOO!!!

Then seminary today, I told my whole class about problems and they helped me. (although it was a hypothetical story. . . . hehehe is it bad to lie in Seminary?

Then math was math. In Psychology we did a meditation thing. That was rocking, I slept.

Yearbook was the best day ever. Every little thing was hilarious. Mr. Sutherland. Singing the Preamble song over and over and over again. Eating ice cream. Dancing to "Don't Stop Believing". Man I loved it so so so so much.

Then I went to Mady's house for a little. We watched Maury for a little. HAHAHA pure entertainment. "I was just with her to get me a double cheeseburger with extra sauce" "I COULD'VE FED YOU!" haha GOLDEN.

Then the Golf Team pics. oh man, pure delight. We waited there for like an hour before we took them. Then Master Ward asked what we did that day so we told him about Maury and he told us about how he filmed for them one time. I got a real kick out of that. Then all the golf boys seriously struggle to get a decent picture. They all are such boys. They couldn't put their hands right, or look normal. You think I would just get annoyed but me and Mads are in such great moods that it just made us laugh. I feel like a mom and all her children. All I wanted was one decent picture and one person ruins it every time. But that was funny. Everything today was funny. Pretty much everything. I am in a great mood.

Oh gosh, what a good couple of days. seventeen, six days. :)

I'm always pretty happy when I am kicking back with you. . .

swimming

summer

running

laughing

sitting in Dania's car and chatting

new messages on my phone

late night phone calls

bowling

winning

drama kids (oh how I love thee freshmen)

church

sunday school

music

crayons

sharpie pens

missionaries

pictures

memories

Bronwen

hugs

Walker

driving around

rain

dancing

family

a new pair of converse

an old pair of converse

backpacks

Joe Roberts

temples

being in my room alone

Taylor Swift

movies

cuddling

babies

really little babies

Emily Curtis

fruit snacks of sorts

Timpview Football

photography blogs

weddings

seminary

pandora

people in love (the cute kind, not the gross yucky kind that makes me wanna throw up)

Ingrid Michaelson

Chad Naylor and other seminary buddies

Cross Country

CARRIE JUBE

my momma

my second momma (oh Kathy how I love thee)

Tanner

primary programs

Brother Brown during the primary program

that one kiss

holding hands

discovering old music

Zoe Hart

Aspen Grove buddies

writing in my journal

reading my journal and peeing my pants laughing

facebook

Lizi Pack

talking to Lauren about good stuff

plays, oh how I love a good play

lyrics to music that actually mean stuff

chatting with McKann and how she actually gets life

sidewalk chalk

THESE ARE MY HAPPY THOUGHTS, can you get me to Neverland now?

change: make or become different.

When we say things like, "People don't change" it drives scientists crazy.

Because change is literally the only constant in all of science.

Energy, matter, it's always changing.

It's the was people try not to change that's unnatural.

The way we cling to things that were instead of letting them be what they are.

The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones.

The way we insist on believing despite every scientific notification that anything in this lifetime is permanent.

Change is constant.

How we experience change that's up to us.

It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life.

If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline..

Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life.

Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

If I could, I would, but I can't. . .

Things are different now. It's almost been a year and I am a different person.

I never wanted to admit that.

I was afraid that if I admitted I was different, then you'd never accept me again.

Whether I am the same or different, you don't accept me. Therefore I have decided to accept who I am.

I can't let my future go on like my past.

I've been thinking of November. It's coming. I'm scared.

For this November will haunt me.

I truly wish I could freeze now and never have to see what November will bring.

How could something so wonderful be turned into something so miserable?

I. HATE. END. OF. TERM.

Fine- I will admit it, I am stressed.

I have spent the last two years with perfect grades.

Yeah, Lauren, complain a little. I know it bothers you, a ton.

But I have worked SO hard, to have it all ruined.

Gone.

As some of you might just think of this as a end of term freak out (cough. . .lauren), it is more then that.

My math teacher has been here only half the term. Poor lady had to get surgery and I understand that it sucks for her. But half of a term with substitutes is honestly a very hard thing for me.

Math is my worst subject. Easily. I am ALWAYS worried about math. But I have fallen behind, I am lost.

How on earth will I ever get an A now?

I know this isn't the worst thing in the world, but it's important to me. Very important to me, not my parents. It's the one thing in life I am actually good at, school. I usually fail at everything else.

So I must say, yes, I am stressed. Sorry if it bugs you.

Dear T. Swift, Thanks. You are the best. Love, Mayson

(back to december)

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and CHANGE MY OWN MIND.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

Do you drown when the going gets tough?

Someone once told me a story. It went like this:

There are two mice, swimming in a bucket of cream. They try and try and try to get out.

One mouse decides to try but when the going gets rough, he decides to drown.

But the other mouse realizes if they try really hard, they can turn the cream into butter, and they can be free.

Which mouse would you rather be?

The problem with this story is that it never really does much for the second mouse to keep trying, because then it will be living alone. The other mouse is gone. So this second mouse is going to fight for something just to be alone? I don't know- something is wrong with this story. But the second mouse, doesn't want to drown either. This second mouse is a stubborn mouse. It can't give into the way of the first mouse. It can't give up on itself. For once you're dead, you're dead.

So what does the mouse do?

Does it drown, and give into the ways of the other mouse, lose it's life, dignity, and pride?

or

Does it live with no purpose, and no friends, just to prove it's selfish little point?

That's the question of life.

It is Official

All I wanted for my birthday was to run a half marathon.

I am signed up for the halloween half. :)

YES!

I am doing it.

Yes, yes I am.

46 Amazing Days: My Cross Country Season

9:55.2   29:45.40  

That was my first race.

9:55.2 Thats the minutes per mile. 

My next races were around 29-30 minutes

I never ever thought I could do it. 

Murray Race was good.

8:36.4   26:39

I felt like a champion. I never suspected such improvement.

My next races weren't as good, in the 28 minute range.

Cedar was good.

25:47.

Improvement again. Cedar was a good course. I enjoyed it a ton.

Region. Region. Region.

8:22   25:07.6

The beginning of the season, I was just a girl who ran cross country, by the end, I am a runner.

All of this in 46 days. And I feel great. 

can't make up my mind

I am trying to title my blog. I can never be settled with it. So I keep changing it. Sorry if it bugs you.