haven't seen each other in a month

I still exist. My computer charger does not. That is all. Goodnight. 

Don't forget to check this out because it's back in business. 

a dark world aches for a splash of the sun

I am in survival mode. I went to buy groceries and my wallet was missing somewhere in the world of Walmart. Now my food supply is shrinking. I missed class because I can't park in the parking lot at school because my pass is in said wallet and all of my money is in said wallet so I could not pay a parking ticket even if I wanted to. Plus gas is running low. I can't take the bus because my bus pass is indeed connected to my debit card which is indeed in  my wallet. I can only get $100 from my bank account because I don't have any ID because my ID is most definitely in my wallet. We'll see how long I can make this $100 last. My computer charger is broken so when I went to order a new one on Amazon and of course this one out of a million tines, they want me to verify my card number in order to purchase, so now I am computerless. I've been living off of free cookies at UVU Events (that I was most definitely not invited to, but I sneak cookies at all sorts of events: book signings, courtyard activities, new employee luncheon) and chilling in the Library so I don't have to walk home between now and work at five. I am in survival mode.

Funny, I came across this post today of all days....

"There is someone you can forgive.
There is someone you can thank.
There is someone you can serve and lift."

Life's not so bad, even in survival mode. 

if i had one wish

Sarahlou. Gosh I just love her. She's so dang funny and unique. Everyday I drive passed "Krispy Kremes" and every single day I just want to take her one. I miss her every day appearance in my life. I bought a Little Caesars pizza the other day and I had no one to share it with. Sarah has been a big blessing in my life and I love our friendship. She's such a cutie pie and I love her. I'm bummed I didn't get to see her on her birthday. It's just weird because I feel like it was yesterday that I threw her huge 16th birthday pary and now she's finally an adult. Lou, I love you! Happy Birthday!

Shazz. She's been my best friend since 7th grade. Goodness we've had countless memories together. I love thinking of tiny baby Lalo in 7th grade and our obsession with Keaton Roney. Or the time we went to San Diego and thought we were so cool. How many hundreds of Sundays have I spent in her room just blabing on while eventually she just fell asleep. I could never imagine my life without her. She's just always been there. I love her and I can't wait until all of the future memories we have together. Happy Birthday Shazzy! I freaking love you. 

 Isabella. Bella. Iszy. Giszby. Inspector Giz. (No I have never called her that but now I want to) Haters gonna hate but yes this (now) 15 year old is one of my best friends. Bella and I are just too freaking awesome to not be friends. I remember when I first met 12 year old Iszy. We were sitting in her basement and we instantly became friends. About a year and a half later, it was May 7th, the day I ran a half marathon, I was sitting in her basement yet again. Somehow I brought up yearbook and convinced her to join. (I also convinced Packer that Mayson had a twin and that my name was Dondra, so that's where Dondra comes from) But we've been buddies ever since. She got an email so I could communicate Yerd stuff with her over the summer and somehow we started emailing each other. We have emailed each other funny thing every day for over a year. . She is one of my very best friends. You will never meet a person like Isabella. If you can make her laugh her true laugh, you have accomplished great things in the world. I just love her. She's the little sister I never had. Except I do have a little sister but I didn't get to go to high school with Puffy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA. I freaking love you. One more year and you can officially date. Enjoy 15, it's a fun one.



(My computer was broken on Shazz and Louie's birthday so it's a few days late. But luckily it's working just in time for Bellas.)

hope for a badman

The world is a much bigger place than we ever imagine. It's actually quite ridiculous how much time I  spent worrying about what the football player ever thought about me. It's quite ridiculous I spent two and a half years getting over Jake Knell. Just one freaking boy in the whole wide world. It's quite ridiculous I ever gave a damn about what one person at Timpview High School ever thought about me. Honestly, the life I lived in high school was quite ridiculous. I was so consumed in who was dating who, where everyone was going, what my big plans were for Friday night. 

It's amazing to me how living on my own for a week has changed my perspective on everything. Because at the end of the day, my life is freaking MINE. Not anyone else's. And I have a heck of a lot to learn, I am far from the person I want to be. I have dreams of my own and I am letting NO ONE stop me from making them come true. 

Go ahead, judge me. Go ahead, tell me what I am doing is not right for me. I honestly could not care less what anyone in this world thinks about me. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and who I am choosing to be. Sure, I've got a lot of flaws. I work every day on them. Wanna know something funny? I'm very aware of my flaws and I will work on them one at a time. No need to remind me that I am not perfect. 

My dreams are above Timpview High School. My dreams are above Provo, UT. So instead of focusing on all of you people who tell me I can't, I'm going to concentrate on the countless people telling me that my dreams are real.  Just you watch. That's why over the last few months I have discovered my life motto.  

"Life is to short to be anything but happy"

in my new apartment

The first thing in my shopping cart today was a 20-pack of diet coke. Ironically, I won this hat on my way out of the grocery store.

Welcome to the 408. Home sweet home.

Check out a new blog here. 

your faith was strong

Aren't we 16 and heartbroken? Since when were we grown up and responsible? I can't believe this day is here. We've only talked about it a gazillion times.  He's been one of my best friends and he's been the best example to me. He honestly makes me laugh when I'm crying, He reminds me I am never alone. My heart holds a special place for this guy. Peru is lucky to have him.

"Go ye now in peace and know that the love of God will guide you, feel his presence here besides you, showing you the way. In your times of trouble, when hurt and despair are there to grieve you, know that the Lord will never leave you. He will bring your courage. Know that the God who sent his son to die that you might live, will never leave you lost and alone in his beloved world. Go ye now in peace."

I love you Elder Wheatley. Thanks for everything. And like you said, it's only two years right? 

with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

I remember when we broke up the first time
Seeing this is, and had enough, it's like
We haven't seen each other in a month
When you, said you, needed space, what?
When you come around again and say
Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change
Trust me, remember how that lasted for a day
I say, I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you

We called it off again last night
This time I'm telling you, I'm telling you
We are never ever ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk and my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me, falling for a screaming that I'm right
And you, will hide away and find your piece of mine with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

I used to think, that we, were forever ever
And I used to say never say never
Huh, he calls me up and he's like, I still love you
And I'm like, I mean, I mean this is exhausting, you know
We are never getting back together, like ever

We are never ever ever ever getting back together.

(It's a little bit too much pop for my T. Swift but seriously? Love)