sing for the years.

Fearing unknown and the mysteries of life, God asks us to step into the fog, and go forward with faith. It's sad to say goodbye to many loved ones, so uncertain what the future will hold. But God has a plan for me and I'm headed into this dark and scary world to preach His gospel and defend his faith. 

After my mission, I don't plan to keep up this blog. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. This blog has so many memories of so many petty experiences in my life-- memories that will mean little as I begin my new adventures. This blog also shared some of my deepest feelings and emotions throughout my high school experiences and into my first year of college. The song lyrics, the pictures, the drama-- it all meant something to me then, and I'm glad I can remember it through my blog. 

So thanks to the 4 people who read it throughout the years and sharing your petty deep thoughts throughout the years with me and the world wide web. Maybe one day I'll create a blog as hilarious as Meg Morley Walter's or as inspiring as Nie Nie's. Until then, catch ya on the flip side. 

Thanks for the memories. 

Mayson Claire Astle

(If you want on my email list for my mission, comment/message me on Facebook. Feel free to email me at mayson.astle@mylds.net)

it takes a boy to live

What will be your Space Jam? 

Whatever it is, make it awesome. 

anything but typical

There wasn't anything paricular about them.

But together they decided that this was happiness. 

what happened to thinking that the world was flat?

Suddenly the world is a much bigger place than I imagined and the possibilities seem endless.
My bed is a little smaller and my dreams are growing every day.
I've never been more nervous and excited and at peace all at the same time.
Things are working out and I couldn't be happier.

keep that breathless charm

“I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.” 

gonna party like its 2012

2012.

Completed the Yearbook

Went to senior ball with my life long friend, Mike Witham

Graduated High School

Survived working at Vivint with Tyler Hill

Went to Aspen Grove. Twice. With the Huish Fam and my Martinis Fam 

Moved out and started UVU

Was a Big Cat for a day
Went to Vegas to support Mitt Romney

Watched all 5 seasons of Merlin

Spent most of my time with baby Eloise
Survived the end of the Mayan Calendar 

Made some pretty bomb awesome friends

Kept some pretty bomb awesome friendships

It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst. I had quite a bit of life changes this year and I'm growing to love each and every one of them as they have come. I'm quickly learning that life is a big adventure. So here's to you 2012, thanks for the memories, the people I have shared it with and for helping me grow to the person I have become. 

the last song that i write while still in love with you

falling from cloud nine

I keep on telling myself that there is a point to all of this. The fibs I whisper to my thoughts that it'll all be worth it. That there are lessons to be learned and plenty of fish in the sea.

But I've never loved a human more. 

And on that day, I want it to be him. More than anything.

But sometimes I wonder where all of this is going and what we are doing here. Why can't it be? 

The amount of love and happiness he brings could supply for a lifetime. 

But at the end of the day, I ponder the possibility.

 

(s o m e t i m e s  l o v e  i s  n o t  e n o u g h)

hope for a badman

The world is a much bigger place than we ever imagine. It's actually quite ridiculous how much time I  spent worrying about what the football player ever thought about me. It's quite ridiculous I spent two and a half years getting over Jake Knell. Just one freaking boy in the whole wide world. It's quite ridiculous I ever gave a damn about what one person at Timpview High School ever thought about me. Honestly, the life I lived in high school was quite ridiculous. I was so consumed in who was dating who, where everyone was going, what my big plans were for Friday night. 

It's amazing to me how living on my own for a week has changed my perspective on everything. Because at the end of the day, my life is freaking MINE. Not anyone else's. And I have a heck of a lot to learn, I am far from the person I want to be. I have dreams of my own and I am letting NO ONE stop me from making them come true. 

Go ahead, judge me. Go ahead, tell me what I am doing is not right for me. I honestly could not care less what anyone in this world thinks about me. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and who I am choosing to be. Sure, I've got a lot of flaws. I work every day on them. Wanna know something funny? I'm very aware of my flaws and I will work on them one at a time. No need to remind me that I am not perfect. 

My dreams are above Timpview High School. My dreams are above Provo, UT. So instead of focusing on all of you people who tell me I can't, I'm going to concentrate on the countless people telling me that my dreams are real.  Just you watch. That's why over the last few months I have discovered my life motto.  

"Life is to short to be anything but happy"

your faith was strong

Aren't we 16 and heartbroken? Since when were we grown up and responsible? I can't believe this day is here. We've only talked about it a gazillion times.  He's been one of my best friends and he's been the best example to me. He honestly makes me laugh when I'm crying, He reminds me I am never alone. My heart holds a special place for this guy. Peru is lucky to have him.

"Go ye now in peace and know that the love of God will guide you, feel his presence here besides you, showing you the way. In your times of trouble, when hurt and despair are there to grieve you, know that the Lord will never leave you. He will bring your courage. Know that the God who sent his son to die that you might live, will never leave you lost and alone in his beloved world. Go ye now in peace."

I love you Elder Wheatley. Thanks for everything. And like you said, it's only two years right? 

all packed up and getting out of here

Two and a half years ago, I promised myself this would never be my home.
I hated every bit of my life, bitter and angry, I told myself I'd never accept this place.
I was embarrassed about the move, I was ashamed of my parents, I was upset.
8 months of construction followed. 
The worst 8 months of my life.
Our whole main floor was being torn about with my mom's own two hands.
7 of us were crammed in 3 rooms, no kitchen, hardly any money to our name.
I felt alone and bitter. This place could never be my home.
It was hell.

I look around at my half packed room, clothes all over the floor.
I still don't have carpet installed and I haven't had closet doors since we moved in.
My walls are painted half blue and the air conditioning doesn't function properly.
The toilet in my bathroom is still hideous pink and the boys still haven't learned how to flush it.
I laugh each time I remember we still don't have a railing and we have a broken baby gate so Maddox doesn't fall down the stairs when he sleep walks.

This place is far from perfect but it is everything my home is.

Home is coming home from a long day of school and activites and having Puffy greet me with a hug.
Home is the countless hours I've spent listening to music while doing the dishes.
Home is a skate ramp in my garage because that's just the way my dad is.
Home is stickers on my door and writing that says "Maddox" all over it.
Home is the annoyance that my TV always has to be on during family dinner.
Home is rushing to get the perfect Sunset photo at 7:45.
Home is loud. Crazy loud. One million little people, big people, all over the place, going and going.
Home is the leftover Little Caesars boxes and Wills Pit Stop Cups all over the place.

I've been so excited for freedom.
No more doing dishes for 8 million, or arguing with my parents.
No more little kids yelling at me or watching dumb tv shows or babysitting.
Freedom. I get to do what I want when I want.

Nothing breaks my heart more than saying goodbye to home.
I can't imagine what it is going to be like to not see punk Maddox every day or Walker saying something ridiculous like "I'm not sitting down, I'm kneeing" No, not kneeling, kneeing.
And don't get me started on Puffy.
She's my little best friend. I love her more than anything I can explain.
Little Puffers has been through a lot for an 8 year old and I just see this amazing human being she is going to grow up into.
I love the way she youtubes Primary songs and asks me to read the scriptures to her.
She has the most special spirit I've ever seen in a person.
Truth of the matter is, these kids have been my best friends for almost ten years.
These kids are my home.
They are my everything.
And it breaks my heart to know I won't be around as much.
I'm going to miss their daily innocent laughs and the silly things they say.

I'm saying goodbye to home so I can make my dreams into reality and grow up. It's time. I'm ready. Four days from now I'll be out. I'll be free. It's all I've ever wanted.

"Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true, well isn't it?"

If that's the case, why am I bawling my eyes out? 

i grow fonder everyday

We don't sleep anymore. My body and brain have decided staying up all night is much more fun than sleeping. We think about moving out and college and working and money and boys and tv shows and church and life. We enjoy our thoughts. After all, these are exciting thoughts. Our favorite thought is that all of these things don't worry us anymore like they used to. We're just ecstatic and counting down the days. Not gonna lie, summer needs to end now.

I'm fed up with goodbyes, I'm just ready for hello.

how bittersweet this would taste

I turned the page and wrote, I broke the rule.

He sat up in bed. I don't know how much time passed.

He wrote, Everything will be OK.

I told him OK wasn't enough.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I told him there was nothing left for a lie to protect.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I started to cry. 

It was the first time I had ever cried in front of him. It felt like making love. 

I asked him something I had needed to know since we made that first nothing place years before.

What are we? Something or nothing?

When  I said goodbye to him, before he left for the airport, I lifted his suitcase and it felt heavy.

That's how I knew he was leaving me.

I wondered if I should stop him. If I should wrestle him to the ground and force him to love me. I wanted to hold his shoulders down and shout into his face. 

"Promise me you'll take care. Promise me you'll take extra good care. I know you look both ways before you cross the street but I want you to look both ways a second time because I told you."  

all it does is slow me down

I'm secretly a hoarder. I'm the type of person who keeps every note every soul has taken their time to write me,  I have clothes from freshman year hanging in my closet, every program from every play I have gone to since I was 15, I keep everything.

Fortunately, moving causes me to desensitize myself from my past lives. As part of preparing for my new adventure,  I've been dejunking my closet,  DI-ing clothes, trashing pointless notes...letting go of my past. It's quite relieving.

"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor yearn vainly for yesterdays, no matter how good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from, not be lived in" 

-Jeffrey R. Holland

So instead of packing up old artifacts, I'll box up the lessons I've learned and tow those around. I find it funny that the closer growing up gets, the scarier it is. But it's a thrill I'm ready to face. I'm excited for what the future has in store.

this is too much for me to hold

Facing fears and letting go.

It was time. 

there's no turning back

 I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, if we let them and we help them in return and because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

 There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all of the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy. 

 

 Around here however, we don't look backwards for very long, we keep moving forward. Opening new doors and trying new things because we are curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

  There are far far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

 We can't become what we need to be by remaining who we are.

Thanks Timpview, it's been a good run.

sit down, it's just a talk

#3 English Classes

Especially AP English last year.  Ms. Van Orden changed my life and so did the many people I met in my English classes over the years. And it's because of these people and classes, that I want to be an English teacher.

everything is moving faster than it seems

Birds, pianos, books, old people. young people, people in love, people who aren't in love, plane crashes, babies, sheet music, Aubrey Glazier, thinking, parents, friends, people you used to know, people who are leaving, people who are staying, the one kid in your class that you have spoken to once, tall people, glances,  flowers, seminary, tv shows, reading, facebook, student government,  driving,  rainclouds, conference talks, accomplishments, disappointments, teachers,  graduation. 

 I wasn't expecting to get so emotionally involved with life.

at first sight, and it's real

Sick as a dog, November 10, 2011, I remember bawling to Josh Burr that I couldn't get through the day. It had been 12 hours already in Mr. Sutherland's office with more to come. I walked into the Thunderdome to set up for Veterna's day,  Baker took one look at me and told me to go home. But I couldn't. I had more to do. I skipped school the next day, missed the assembly I planned, and somehow made it to play practice that evening.

Whether it was watching "Being Elmo" or singing Millie with Heather, peeing pants and singing like a man with Gabby, or hearing Jonathan's selection of music, I somewhat enjoyed deadline days because it meant I was closer to finishing the biggest accomplishment of my small life of 18 years.

We played "The Final Countdown" and counted down until I would submit the final of 240 pages. It was done. The yearbook was done and I was the happiest person in the world. 

When  Sutherland handed me the pocket knife to open the box, I was shaking. Nerves and excitement filled my body. It was here.

My book. It came. 

And just like November 10, 2011-- my first deadline-- I cried. I was so proud of the accomplishment of my staff, overjoyed with the success.

I did it.

if you could stay like that

 

I could ramble all day about how excited I am for graduation and to move on from high school.  But when I crawl into bed at night, it's bigger than I am and my fears have overgrown my excitement. Is anyone ever truly ready to leave behind the life they know into the world of wonder? So I say a little prayer to a much bigger God, that hopefully, I can make it in this big wide world.