sing it out loud

I have invented something magical.

It begins, fog on the stage and the lovely sounds of "Sun Hands" begins. Local Natives are on stage bursting the melodies of my favorites, "Airplanes" "Who Knows, Who Cares?" "World News" "Wide Eyes" and "Camera Talk"

After the Local Native lovin', the stage clears and a beam of light ascends to the middle of the stage, Ingrid Michaelson charms us with "Are We There Yet?" "The Chain" and "So Long"

The audience is ready for a pump up jam. Taylor Swift  impresses the crowd with "You Belong with Me" (Because who doesn't want to jam out to that?) "Fearless (just because it's amazing) and a few other hit tunes of my choice at the time. Currently, I'd say "Better Than Revenge" or "Dear John" but that's just because I've been listening to the Speak Now album nonstop. Of course there's always "Ours" her newest cutest hit. We'll cross the bridge of which Taylor songs we get to jam out with in a bit.

Next, come, Mumford and Sons come out and perform not only their whole album of "Sign No More" Everyone knows their whole album is just too good to pick a select few. They'd also do a few covers of my favorites, like "Wagon Wheel" (check that song out, too good) and "Love Vigilantes" (Iron and Wine anyone?)

Obviously, Ingrid Michaelson would join Mumford on stage for a duo of my favorite song of all time (okay one of them) the famous"Landslide." Also, they'd do an amazing cover of "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Back from the dead of course would be Michael Jackson, obviously. He'd wow the crowd with dancing, Billie Jean, Man in the Mirror, Black or White, The Way You Make Me Feel and what nots. He's like Taylor, it will depend on my mood.

We'd probably just listen to "Call Me Maybe" but not live because that would ruin it.

Coldplay would come, because they are Coldplay. Duh.

Goyte would come sing "Somebody I Used to Know" and probably do a killer cover of "Hallelujah" (only one of the best songs ever written ever.)

And the show would end with my boy James Taylor. We'd sing along to Sweet Baby James, How Sweet It Is, Carolina in my Mind and obviously Fire and Rain.

It'd be a five hour long concert, probably, and in my magical world you wouldn't get tired, hungry or lose your voice. Everyone would be happy and no one would be drunk.

 I might have just created heaven. Just saying.

how bittersweet this would taste

I turned the page and wrote, I broke the rule.

He sat up in bed. I don't know how much time passed.

He wrote, Everything will be OK.

I told him OK wasn't enough.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I told him there was nothing left for a lie to protect.

Everything will be OK perfect.

I started to cry. 

It was the first time I had ever cried in front of him. It felt like making love. 

I asked him something I had needed to know since we made that first nothing place years before.

What are we? Something or nothing?

When  I said goodbye to him, before he left for the airport, I lifted his suitcase and it felt heavy.

That's how I knew he was leaving me.

I wondered if I should stop him. If I should wrestle him to the ground and force him to love me. I wanted to hold his shoulders down and shout into his face. 

"Promise me you'll take care. Promise me you'll take extra good care. I know you look both ways before you cross the street but I want you to look both ways a second time because I told you."  

all it does is slow me down

I'm secretly a hoarder. I'm the type of person who keeps every note every soul has taken their time to write me,  I have clothes from freshman year hanging in my closet, every program from every play I have gone to since I was 15, I keep everything.

Fortunately, moving causes me to desensitize myself from my past lives. As part of preparing for my new adventure,  I've been dejunking my closet,  DI-ing clothes, trashing pointless notes...letting go of my past. It's quite relieving.

"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor yearn vainly for yesterdays, no matter how good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from, not be lived in" 

-Jeffrey R. Holland

So instead of packing up old artifacts, I'll box up the lessons I've learned and tow those around. I find it funny that the closer growing up gets, the scarier it is. But it's a thrill I'm ready to face. I'm excited for what the future has in store.

you put on quite a show

I remember when I was a kid, there were 40-50 first place ribbons hanging on my wall.  None of them belonged to me. They were all my sister's. I had probably 6 ribbons. They were all participation.

Looking at all those ribbons and thinking how stupid she was for liking her ninth place ribbon the best. It was black and it was beautiful but was ninth. She had an abundance of blue, red and white ribbons.

I remember when she started dancing. Everyone knew she was just copying our aunt, Tristan. I thought that was stupid too. I will never know why, but I was so jealous when my mom made her that green/black ballroom dress. She always had her dance friends over and they always made me laugh. Then she got really good, and I just wondered why I didn't have any passions or talents like her.

She won medals and trophies,  all I got a letter grade on a piece of paper. It didn't make sense.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes as I lay in bed at night, I feel so overwhelmed. She left big shoes to fill. She went to college, did full on student government, went to hair school, worked at Old Navy, and somehow managed to still be my best friend.

When I didn't get the scholarship she got, I was upset. I was supposed to be "the leader," and she took that too I was on student government twice! And I was the yearbook editor-n-chief! I was the Laurel's, Miamaid AND Beehives president. Not gonna lie, I thought I had leadership down. I left that interview feeling confident as ever. After getting shot down, I was reminded of my days of gazing at all those colorful ribbons on the wall.

She always tells me I am prettier and have better hair. She was never surprised when I got asked to, as she put it,  another dance. She gladly came and made me beautiful for all of those. She is surely jealous of my amazing singing talent. About once ever few weeks,  I send her a video of me singing "Take A Bow" by Rhianna. It's pretty fantastic.

Sisters get jealous. It's human nature. They fight. They steal each others clothes without asking-- no matter how many times the other person says they must ask before taking their clothes. And they bring each other up when the going gets rough. And if you have my sister, they buy you an owl ring or earring for you to wear for each of your school dances that you never wear and buy the gift for Mother's Day and say it's from all of the kids. She gave me $24 dollars exactly for graduation because I graduated on the 24th. She cuts my hair and buys me tacos.

She's my best friend. Sure she screws up sometimes and embarrasses me in front of boys. We're two completely different people but because we're sisters, it just works so perfectly. She's just like my mom. And our family is still trying to figure out where I am from.

I pray that I set as good of an example little Puffs as Sensen has to me.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I love her.

in over my head

There are 168 hours in a week.

I spend 32 of them at Vivint, 56 of them sleeping,  and 3 hours at church on Sundays.

That leaves me with roughly 77 hours.

I'm pretty sure, I have spend each of those hours watching "The Office" or laying on my bed.

Oh the life of a sick girl in the summertime.

Pathetic. 

your new addiction

All day, e'rr day. So good.

believe in something else

Time to time, it hits me. 

So long to you.