even heroes have the right to bleed

I think it was the only day I ever spent at my dad's house on a school night. I remember that morning. Everyone was in a rush, school was going to start and we were still in Springville. As kids, we didn't understand it wasn't like every morning at home with our mom. We thought we could still watch our usual 15 minutes of Arthur before we had to leave. We quickly turned the tv on. My dad spattered in the room, turning the tv off telling us it was time to go. We got in the car and drove to school. 

I don't remember the exact moment I found out. But I remember seeing those videos. My almost 8 year old self didn't understand the tragedy, but I realized that this was something huge. Two buildings crumbled to the ground.  There are few moments I remember distinctively from elementary school. Three to be exact-- the Twin Towers falling, Elizabeth Smart being kidnapped, and the day she was found. How come our brain remembers tragedy?

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Ten years later, 9/11 is much more to me. It's representing something bigger than it really is. It represents hope, unity and courage.  Documentary after documentary, and we still don't know what it felt like to be one of them. We are the generation of 9/11. We must remember it, and remember it always, "Freedom isn't free". It comes with a price. Thousands of men and women died in those buildings. Firefighters, policemen, and every day people were killed in innocence. Millions have been killed because of the war this started.

On the news it talked about people who want to stop teaching the kids the Pledge of Allegiance because it says "God" in it. However, no matter how many people try to argue, or pretend like God isn't watching over us, they don't comprehend the whole point. God was there that day, and he has been ever since then.


In as much of a catastrophe as that was, too many miracles took place that day for us to feel that God forgot us.

confess your love as well as your folley

When clouds are gray and skies are dark, the rain falls.




I wonder.









Do you ever regret giving everything in your life up?





Or tell me, are you happy now?

i can tell that we are gonna be friends

I have a best friend.  He doesn't have a name because I don't name inanimate objects.
Here he is. . . Be jealous. I know Eric and Iszy are. 

yes, the waterbottle

On a side note, we went to the girls volleyball game tonight at Provo. It was honestly SO much fun! I even made up a cheer that we actually used. If you aren't coming to volleyball games, change that! They are honestly the greatest. Go and I promise you will have a good time!

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.

(all i do is ask myself if i will ever be good enough)

it feels a little worse

Let's just say. . .

I've had better days.

but that's the way it goes

You know when you want something, but you don't, but you do? I hate that feeling.

Exhibit A: BYU is a great school full of great people. If I were able to go there, that would be great. But then football season starts, and all of the sudden I have no desire to go there anymore. "Go cougs!" "Rise and Shout!" "BYU!!!" Freak EVERYONE, it's COLLEGE FOOTBALL. I hate when BYU status' clog up my news feed on Facebook. All of these people who believe it is BYU or nothing bug the heck out of me.  One moment, BYU sounds like the best idea in the world to me, and the next the thought of going there makes me want to puke. I don't want to have to decide where to go to college. I don't want to have to think about the factors that go into it. (Money, education, future husband. . . ) College is creeping up way too soon for me. Too many decisions to make, way too fast.

Exhibit B: Did you know in precisely two months (a little less than that now) I turn 18? What the freak? I am not old enough to be an actual adult. Turning 18 does me jack-diddly until I graduate. I still have to live at my house and follow rules. So really, I guess moving out is the thing I cannot wait for. Except that means all of the sudden I am responsible for paying for myself. I don't know if I am ready for that. I want to move out, but somehow have my life paid for at the same time.

 Exhibit C: Sometimes having a boy sounds so desirable. Oh goodness, doesn't it? Someone to talk to, text, cuddle, care about you, to kiss in the rain (okay and not in the rain) Oh but having a boy makes me want to punch a wall. Okay not really, I just don't want a boy. But I do. Okay, let's be real, I DON'T. But sometimes I am human too and I want someone to care.

Life is coming at me fast. I don't know what to do with it. It's scary, I'm nervous and I just want to sleep through all of it.

i hope you dance

I can feel it. . . the homecoming hype is coming.

That sucks.  I am stressed enough as it is already.

This boy took me last year and now we are lovers. Shhh.. don't tell anyone.

 





could i for once be one of the girls who doesn't have to wait for all of my friends to get asked and then getting asked "by chance" (when they convince someone to ask me) a weekend or so after them? that would be a lovely change.